HOPES...

In about two hours and 12 minutes,we will be leaving and bidding good bye to year 2009 and saying hello to year 2010. What are my thoughts on year 2009...it has been a mixed one..on a personal note there were happiness with a bit of sadness.Career wise, it has been a roller coaster ride...ups and downs.There were many times when I questioned myself on the path that I am on....well,there is nothing that I can do on this..in fact everything is fated.So, besides giving myself some self motivation push,letting myself the occasional self pity and burying in periodic sadness...Things were moving at a quicker pace.I can safely say that 2009 have left me quite exhausted and low.I need to catch my breath.

On that note,I need some new year resolutions.I have never been a stickler to resolutions..I cant recall sticking to resolutions with any enthusiasm...so, one of my resolutions is to keep to my resolutions. Its no rocket science that getting myself in a better shape, health wise would definitely be on the top three of my list. I also hope to be more tolerant with situations that are beyond my control, to speak less and speak only when spoken to,spent more quality time with the kids and hubby, be less critical and strike the right balance between career and family. On a final note, not to be too apologetic for being ME.
So, Assalamualaikum to 2010..may Allah swt bless all of us with more happiness,success and good health.Amin.

" COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS,NOT YOUR PROBLEMS "

Am trying hard...

Am at home. The clock shows-3.32pm.Am waiting for hubby.We are supposed to be on a holiday...hmm, he was called back to work...nak kena jumpa CFO, something urgent yang tak boleh ditunggu, so I masak lunch,we were supposed to jalan-jalan...makan kat luar...lauk dah masak tapi hati tak rasa nak makan..bukan perut tapi hati pulak.The kids are in my room, making a mess of the room...I tell them once, tell them hundreds of time...they will not listen to me...I have given up...so the room will be in a mess...what's new.Yesterday's lunch with Uni friends did not materialise..it just not meant to be..so grey skies appears to be here to stay...never mind, trying hard to shake this away..so, I had a marathon session of Grey's Anatomy..did it help?...naaa..should I just sleep it away...naaaa...to be honest, brought back some stuff from office..in fact a bagful...but I just cant put my head and heart into it.I should have taken up Azu's offer for lunch today but I thought of spending time with hubby and kids..one can only plan and plan..

With all the gadgets and communications via hp, emails, FBs...we have sacrifice our privacy to a certain extent.I was reminded by my bosses during meetings...answer your calls..jawab smses...jangan switch off the phones...walaupun malam, jawab telefon. Well, I tak pakai phone office..it's my own phone and my personal line...but why cant we just switch off the phones..hmm, since Monday, I have been receiving messages from office..layan those messages.. tak sampai hati, takut ada benda penting..or maybe because ada moral obligations...macam Zubir...so, hati isteri and anak-anak diketepikan seketika untuk selesaikan kerja di pejabat.Is it fair? Well grow up! It's not about fairness, it's not about caring less, it's not about being selfish...it's just life.The bottom line and the cold hard truth is..when life gives you lemon..make a lemonade.No self help books..motivational tapes...words of wisdom can make any changes. It just you. You make the changes!Sadly,it's just ME!

"THERE IS A REASON FOR EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS.."

Grey skies and cloudy...

Have been walking with some grey clouds on my head for the past one week. There is something just not quite right and I can't point my finger on it...well, to be honest, I think I know what is contributing to it...anxiety, fear and a bit of self doubt.

Weekend was filled the usual family obligations.. watching movie with kids, a bit of shopping..makan-makan with the kids and Zahier's kenduri. Am looking forward to a lunch date with some close friends from the Uni tomorrow. Hoping for some sunshine tomorrow.

" DO SMALL THINGS IN A GREAT WAY "

Sigh!

Am not in the mood to write. Not in the mood to read. Not in the mood to make small conversations. Not in the mood to socialise. Not in the mood be anywhere except lying on my bed and SLEEP.Fed up...with some people at the moment except my FAMILY of course.HELP....feeling so lousy...need something to boost my mood..

Warm thoughts

Tonight I brought along hubby to watch Natrah the theatre. Amal was with us also. The night started on on a wrong footing. Amal's pouch kena ambik oleh orang yang tak berhati perut. In the pouch ada camera and the tickets. To be honest, I was not worried about not watching the show, tapi more concerned about the camera . I am very certain, it means the world to her, mesti ada gambar of her kids. Memories captured.... The camera was hung on the toilet door, she stepped out sekejap aje, she was doing a self check loudly, ....the keys was with me...checked,...bila I kata what about the tickets, baru sedar, tickets ada dalam pouch sama dengan camera. But it was too late. Dah diambil orang. Tuhan tu, Maha Pengasih, mujur Amal found the printouts of the ticket bookings that she had thrown into the bin. En. Firdaus, orang IB, tolong double check dengan counter tickets and we got to go in walaupun dah last minute. It had spolit the mood for Amal. I felt bad and guilty.Tak berkat orang yang curi camera tu, I hope Amal will get some good news tomorrow from En. Firdaus. Insyallah.

On a brighter note, dragged hubby to queue with me, mujur I beli dua buku programme, actually one was for Amal, but she had bought one for herself earlier. He became our photographer. And he took autographs for Athira. Kali ni, I was more sensible, no giggling like a school girl. I congratulated the cast, took photos and left. Athira had two dedicated autographs from Umie Aida and Remy. Remy jotted "Study hard ya :)". From Maya, hubby got "Dear Abg. Zubir"...amboi! Balik rumah, kakak is still awake...she waited for us. Bila I tunjuk the authographs especially from Remy...she was thrilled.

We enjoyed Natrah, infact Amal and I stood up to applause them, sayang sekali tak ada standing ovations....since this is my second show, I noticed there was an additional scene to the ending. The scene Maria /Natrah walked towards the church pun ada additional dialouge....kalau tak silap dulu tak ada dialogue beristighfar and mengucap syahadah. If I overlooked dulu, minta maaf.
To my darling hubby, thank you for being so supportive. This time I managed to have a sensible conversation with Remy. Tak payahlah I mentioned apa yang dicakap. Just some words of encouragement. But dear hubby did say this to Remy bila dia minta autograph untuk Athira "ni semua penangan Nur Kasih". It was replied with a laugh.

To Amal, sorry for the unfortunate episode..
To Atif and friends...nanti kita makan kambing again ye..
To Kak chik, you are most welcome, we will gladly do it again and again. It was our pleasure... Insyallah the Omarians will stick together ..and I think Pak would have been proud of his children.

Hello..

Tonight I succumbed to the Facebook craze. Sha insisted I buka an account and practically helped me via sms. Anyway, Zubir and I had a great time laughing at the old photos yang Sha posted on her account...nampak so baik-baik. Tak sangka I was the only one who found her soul mate sama batch. Am still struggling with the messaging part and I think, I accidentally invited everyone on my email list. What can I say...hello!

Just a bit off...

Sorry. Bukan sengaja. Meeting tadi dari pukul 2.30 ptg....jam tunjuk 6.40 ptg..tapi meeting belum habis lagi. Kepala dah melayang-layang. I baru realised the presenter suara dia macam RI. Smsed Amal. Hahaha. Suara aje sama, muka tak sama. Hahahaha.Am I hallucinating..or just tired. To Kak Chik, sorry, I think your sister is still sane and sensible. Just a bit off the tangent.

Definitely....

I told myself not to complaint...but I just could not resist it...meetings meleret-leret....not once, not twice or thrice but an on going thing...maybe it's a working culture of this M...or maybe the chairman is just bad at time management. Maybe it's all the above. Substance lost in translations. Lost in the midst of "leteran". Just lost. Imagine dari satu masa solat (sempat dibuat), terlepas another waktu solat and nak masuk another waktu solat.. Kalau nasib tak baik...sambung lagi. Orang kata mati kutu...hmm, bukan mati kutu aje, kaki dah kebas...poor blood circulation, the head thumping..perut dah lapar...concentration dah pi kemana-mana. Kerja bertimbun menunggu kat meja. Going through the motion aje. Insensitive. Maybe. Ignorance. Maybe. Not productive. Maybe. Or maybe just plain inconsiderate. Definitely.

To kak chik...if only you knew

I read Kak Chik's posting on Natrah, I could not post my comments for some technical reasons...take boleh nak bukak, but this is what I have to say :

Dearest kak chik, if only you knew how difficult it was to handle a case involving the akidah. It doesn't matter if it was just a small child..who is legally is not a muslim yet but has been raised since a baby as a Muslim. In your eyes, the child is already a muslim. Knowing the outcome of the child's faith and fate lies to a certain degree on your arguments. You worry about your own syahadah as a muslim. Ya Allah..tak sanggup nak dibawa.The sleepless nights..the doas and prayers, if only you knew.Natrah the theatre was too close for comfort for me. It brought back some hidden feelings and fears..if only you knew.

You..Adam Hassan I....

I am posting this with a certain feeling of excitement. There is still a sense of euphoria in me.Just came back from watching Natrah.I went with kak chik and syikin.We didnt seat together.Anyway, the main thing is that I dapat tengok Remy and hear him sing. Boleh tahan suaranya. He can sing well.Apa-apa pun, I was trying to capture every moment in my memory drive...
I would not go into details about Natrah,but I will share some moments of lapse of wisdom on my part.The scenario takes place from the office. I was so eager that I would be on time to IB, that my second meeting in the afternoon ended abruptly...by me actually, I told the Chairman, in a serious tone and manner that I will peruse the draft agreement and will give my input later....I was not lying actually, cos the other side's lawyers baru bagi a new set of drafts....hehehehe.
So, I was at IB by 6pm. Terjumpa these 2 girls, Farah and her friend. Both diehard fans of Remy Ishak. Strucked a conversation with them while watching the rehearsel video of Natrah on the tv screen. They were waiting patiently to catch a glimpse of Remy Ishak. Wished them luck, left for dinner at the cafe...some how, terjumpa balik sekali lagi, they accompanied me while I waited patiently for kak chik & Syikin. Masa tergelak duk bercerita about our crush on Remy..I took out my card and gave to Farah...I said to her "kalau buat fan club untuk Remy, jangan lupa kakak"...Farah squealed...Puan, LA ya, sorry panggil puan kakak tadi...I said no harm..its a small world..lepa ni junior officers I...tapi tak pernah berjumpa sebelum ni. Anyway, my lack of wisdom continues bila I told kak chick I nak queue ambik autograph...terjumpa farah again, so queue with them, mintak tolong kawan farah ambik gambar of me and Remy nanti...Maya Karin was sweet and pretty. I got her authograph..lepas tu bila turn dengan Remy...I was star strucked...tengok mata ada mascara, mata ada eyeliner..walaupun its expected for actors especially after a performance to be still in their make up...but I was distracted...so distracted and star strucked that I could not manage to give salam or bersalam with him...the best part is that I boleh buat small talk with Maya Karin, infact I apologised to her for being excited about meeting Remy...and I all I could say to him...was....." you Adam Hassan..I...". The whole thing went by so quickly, I sempat ambil one photo with Remy...courtesy of Farah's friend...I tak realised that I ada ambil one shot of him with my handphone from a distance, while queing..(I teringat while driving back, so check it out while driving...told you, I was not WISE)...ralat, tak bawak camera, ralat tak guna my handphone untuk ambil a better photo of him.....ralat ambik satu aje..tu pun side profile...geram, geram. Ralat...tak bercakap dengan Remy...instead of " you Adam Hassan...I". Tapi, Remy memang charming and handsome....asyik senyum aje...and polite too...maybe, dalam kepala dia, layan aje kakak ni....I hope Farah will email the photo soon as promised. Ni, the clock dah tunjuk 1.45am, am still awake....still reliving the moments in my mind...maybe sebelum tidur tengok Nur Kasih balik..heheh...kena beristighfar banyak-banyak......must come back to reality....kena ingat kat hubby yang tengah berdengkur kat sebelah ni.....

Acceptance

Lesson 101 in Marriage.Acceptance.Wife engrossed in reruns of Nur Kasih.Husband plays with games on the phone.Wife tries not to complaint too much,hubby is still playing with games.Wife in bliss...hubby trying hard to accept wife's eccentricity...Acceptance.

Que sera sera

To tell the truth, came back today, with a bad headache..rasa macam nak muntah.Rasa berat kat neck..tapi too tired to sleep..so checked out the blogs that I am following.It was refreshing to read some of the stuff..to Kak Chick, the obsession will go away, although I must say that I have placed an order for the DVD...hahaha.Am looking forward to watch Natrah with you and Syikin on friday nite...lets hope, tak ada something urgent at work...am dreading that..but you will never know, my office is quite a mad house...on another note,disappointed that Amal tak dapat tiket. Ralat.
Back to the headache, had a conversation with hubby on monday, I asked whether its too late to change career at the stage in life...hubby bluntly answered that "its too late". I was just saying it aloud what was disturbing my mind lately...on a good day, I enjoy my work, infact the challenges are something that I look forward for, you gain more knowledge and experience...but there ups and downs.Its the downside of things that makes you miserable, especially things that are beyond your control.And the lack of human decency in all aspect....so, memandangkan dah terlewat nak tukar career...kena redha aje la.On this aspect, a friend of mine said this to me yesterday..."I empathise and sympathise with you, I have gone through it..you just have to survive through this...".True, others have suffered and gone through much more horrible things...be it with career, family or just life basically...so, Que sera, sera..stop whining.Pull up the socks..take a panadol, the headache will go away...maybe I will feel better with a dose of rerun of Nur Kasih....heheheh.

What's cooking?

As usual Mondays are usually full of craziness. I call it mad monday. However Tuesdays can be the same too...today, I spend nearly 20 minutes plus dalam kereta mencari pass office. Puas menyelongkar beg yang tak besar mana tapi banyak compartment (biasa la tu, kalau boleh satu rumah nak bawak sekali),sambil mencari, otak duk berjalan, shit (oops)...have to take a visitor pass...and I have only 15 minutes to spare...kena pergi ke ground floor dulu...called home nak tanya tertinggal kat rumah ke, hubby dah pi kerja, si kakak tidur..adik yang menjawab telefon...tak boleh nak suruh adik cari pass.Adik kata mama cakap dengan adik ye...hmm, mama tak ada mood adik.

The best part, bila nak masuk lift, baru sedar, pass tergantung kat rantai leher.Haiya..macam boleh macam tu, bila masa I gantung pass kat rantai...well, its just one of those days.

Am looking forward to Thursday,cuti dah approved...am just hoping tak ada something urgent yang akan mengganggu my plans for holiday...tadi, En. R bagi hints nak buat meeting soon regarding one important matter....alahai, jangan lah jadi.Katanye, boss #2, minta buat taklimat about 'exit plans'...ada legal issues..and nak brief big boss..why...why..why me.

On a brighter note, sekarang ni I boleh keep in touch with Azu dengan baca her postings about her twins. The two kenits cute sangat...macam strawberry short cake (the cartoon character la, not the cake). Her blog is full of jottings about her kids and pictures of them...lepas tu macam macam jenis lauk yang Azu masak...rajin jugak Azu ni masak...I tengah tunggu an invitation from her for makan-makan...hehehe.

The bad and the good

Penat hari ni, kursus from morning till 5pm, lepas tu, back to office for a meeting at 5.30pm. Meeting was abruptly cut short bila lampu padam..takut pun ada juga, tapi dalam hati, alhamdulillah, boleh balik cepat...hehhe.Drove home like a mad driver, actually I was trying hard not to pee...heheh.Balik rumah, mak dah ada kat rumah.

Sofia was her usual cheerful self, greeted me at dipintu kereta. Hubby dah balik, surprise, surprise...selalunya dia lambat.Anyway, the good news is Sofia dapat no 3 dalam class.Must get her something for being a good girl..or maybe I should get something from hubby for being a good wife...heheh.

It's embarrassing....

Am still not over Nur Kasih.Today's craziness was the revisit of episode 13. Hmm, its seems I missed a scene..tak ada dalam Amal's d/l ...the one Adam was in the cab with Nur, Nur pegang tangan Adam, while Adam was looking outside, tak tengok muka Nur and with all the worries etched on his face..Adam genggam tangan Nur...and tears was rolling down his cheek..alahai...ok, ok, I know this does not make sense...ok back to reality. Well, almost.... right after watching Nur Kasih I called up hubby, my conversation with hubby went like this "tadi tengok Nur Kasih lagi..." Hubby "amboi kat office pun tengok", I jawab "saja, online..tv3..only waktu rehat...bukan masa buat kerja..."."at my office,benda macam ni dah blocked.." he said.
Time to change the topic so I said "awat you sound mengah, your breathing is quite bad...and coughing pulak tu...tu la, Adam I tak hisap rokok". Hubby replied " Adam you architect...tak sama..legal lain (he meant it in the context of work stress)".So I replied "ya la tu, I pun legal jugak". And he gelak besaq.So much for reality eh....need to shake off this obsession.Its getting embarrassing....

Assalamualaikum...

Hmm, akibat penangan Nur Kasih, I am hooked, terribly hooked and addicted to the drama.Hai asyik dok terbayang-bayang si Adam tu. I liked the flawed character and eventually dah berubah sangat-sangat.My heart melted, seriously melted bila tengok Adam dah berubah, especially the scenes kat Mekah, Adam nampak so tenang but at the same time asking Nur to terima him seadanya, rasa macam boleh feel his pain....,scenes of Adam trying hard to woo back Nur...alahai, my heart was breaking and aching for him.Now that I have caught up on all the episodes while on a three days marathon sessions (I tak ikut dari awal, only tertengok episode 15, lepas tu tengok semua episodes yang my sis bagi)....am watching again some of the episodes and analyzing every scenes....how Adam bercakap dengan Nur, how he was twisting his ring while trying hard not to hurt Nur's feelings, how he lightly touched her, his intonation while talking to Nur, macam caressing his words, gaya mata Adam tengok Nur...alahai .... hmm, terrible eh!

Remember, the famous line " You got me at hello!". Well, in my case its "Assalamualaikum".

On a personal note, I got all goey, bila hubby hari tu bagi salam bila masuk bilik.Hmm, I was like falling in love all over again..hmm, a bit too much eh. Hehehhe.Seriously, I could not help smiling...it was a like mula-mula bercinta pulak.Naughty me eh!
Hubby, being hubby, patiently torelating perangai wifenya.He is VERY AWARE that wifenye tengah ada episodes of gila Adam.Hmm, tak apa lah, he knows it's harmless..on another note, I think he is quite enjoying the attention that I am giving him, he is playing his card right...hehehe. Assalamualaikum.

More than I realised...

I have a weakness. I write with my heart and not with my mind.My thoughts are entwined with my feelings.And sometimes my feelings suffocates me. And I tend to super analyse things....I wish that I can be carefree in the manner I think or feel.And there are times, you want to please people...people that matters and don't.But sometimes pleasing everyone leaves you exhausted. You want to be thoughtful, but deep down you also want to be understood by others.Today, I received a sweet and thoughtful sms from my niece Aisyah..just when you think you are in the pits, and still do at times, well most of the time...there is someone to pick you up for the day.To Kak Mah, thanks for the words of encouragement.

Last weekend I had a few good minutes of sobbing...I needed the tears more than realised. Hubby was there to comfort me.Small things matters to me and sometimes I get too emotional over nothing.Nevertheless, one can never deny the outburst of emotions.

Work wise,am praying hard for some improvement..but as someone said to me...there is a reason for you to be there, at this particular time...I guess I have to be patient to see this period through.

For the last three nights, I have been watching Nur Kasih. I was on a marathon session from the first episode till the current one...well,I might be feeling sleepy and tired but that is out weight with the pleasure that I received. I needed the escapism, more than I realised.

Humble pie

The 3rd of November came and left.My doctors are convinced that I am stressed and suffering stress related sickness. Well lets have this settled, no big prize for guessing that I AM INDEED STRESS. So,thank you, Dr. Hafiz for your kinds words and advice.And, NO, Dr. Hafiz, it wont go away...the stress factor. Its every where.
To Dr. Hew, ya, I know my diet sucks...REALLY SUCKS.I am NOT eager to know the result of my lipid test...I already know,in fact I can feel it...on a note of my diet, I have been eating a lot of humble pies lately.I wish I can share with my family of what I am going through, work wise ...but, I cant reveal anything except to hubby.The burden lies heavily on me to see that this tsunami period of my career goes through without causing much pain.I have to jaga kepentingan semua...results are expected from me.There are people who are depending on me...I have to be fair to them..I will try my best. I promise that. Insyaallah. I am praying hard to Allah swt to protect and guide me through this tough times...Insyallah it will make me a better muslim and a better officer.Insya Allah.Lets hope there will be rainbows after the rain. Amin.

Twilight zone

I gave birth to two girls but I have three kids...go figure.

A conversation with hubby while going down the escalator today..."we have two kids, dua-dua girls...macam mana tu...what if their husbands tak mau kita...depa hantar kita kat old folks home...."...Hubby replied " I dont know".End of conversation.Hmm, twilight years or twilight zone...

Note to hubby:
Thanks for saying, three of my baju tidur dah shrunk...walaupun hakikatnya,berat badan dah bertambah, bagai dipam-pam.To Dr.Hew,although I mengaku makan biskut raya, yang tak habis-habis tu, tapi, ubat Dr Hafiz yang buat I bertambah bulat..so dont bother with the lipid test on the 3rd.......

Stage one....

Four stages of planning

1.Think & Plan
2.Plan
3.Drawing board
4.Execution

Still at stage one.....

Something naughty....

I want to do something NAUGHTY...hehe deliciously naughty....something within the legal and morally right scope....hmm but still something naughty.Hmm, this will take some planning...cant wait...hehheh.

Hmmm.....

Had a marathon session of Grey's Anatomy.Sofia must have been annoyed with me, she peed once on the bedroom floor and the other on the bed.Cant be mad with her...mama was too engrossed with GA.Kakak was not much of a help...she cried bila told her to sleep in her room. Me, I was not oblivious to my surroundings but was just eager to have some ME TIME. After all, my mind nearly went kaput during the weekdays and I was looking really forward for the weekends.Anyway I took them to watch a movie this morning...something about cloudy...with meatballs. I tak ingat title...but the movie was FUN. And because nak tengok movie, mak is with kak now.Mak's condition is not looking too good...its quite bad...Athira is quite scared of her Tok now.I did not realise that she has been confiding with her Ayah...maybe cos she does not want to upset me.Cant really register in mind what mak is going through now...all I know that I nearly had a panic attack on Monday on the way home...I was SO AFRAID that I was going to fall asleep at the wheels, I was really trying hard to keep my eyes open...pinched the cheeks, slap the face...letak minyak angin kat temple...kat hidung...rasa kepala ringan macam nak melayang.Maybe I exerted myself on the first day balik ke kerja.At the back of my mind was I hearing myself telling myself to keep awake. The vertigo kept me company this week, but its getting better, told myself to ignore small episodes of giddiness. Dr. H said it might last for three weeks, well, am in third week now, so when is it going to stop completely for a start.On Wednesday ke Thursday, tak ingat had to call Zubir while driving just to keep me awake. The whole week was quite an adventure..workwise, jangan tanya, macam-macam hal..rasa macam my unit ni asyik kena refer bila ada problem aje..sebelum buat tak berapa nak dengar, lepas to come running with their tail in between the legs for help. Hmm, ...anyway, Saturday was crawling too slowly to me, the weekdays was just not fast enough....and now Sunday will be over too soon.

A dose of reality...

I have been house bound for the last 10 days and will be back to work tomorrow.FYI, I have been having episodes of vertigo due to stress and early signs of Meniere Disease..hmm, stress related...hmm, so what is not stressful?...heheheh. Am also sensitive to the high level of noises...so, whats new...with two young kids trying to out do each other in everything from the control which channel to watch, what food to eat...blah..blah..high irritating screams are to be expected.

I have an early discussion with a legal adviser from "X Co" scheduled at 8.30am tomorrow, an appointment that was made earlier and later informed while I was away on mc...and fixed early in the morning since I have another meeting at 9pm.Discussion for half an hour cukup ke? I dont like to rush matters, especially after being away for a week,mesti nak tengok-tengok apa atas meja dulu...lepas tu nak lari pi meeting lain pulak. Pandai-pandai lepa ni buat appointment tak tanya orang dulu.Sweet!Real sweet!

Well, so it's back to routine tomorrow. Hope to get my new episodes of Grey's Anatomy from Syu SOON,even bought myself an external hard drive for it....it would be a bliss.That's what the doctor prescibed..a dose of happy medicine for the sick patient...hehehe.

Burnt toast...

Three days at home, five days including the weekends.Was given five days of MC, told to rest at home.I have two more days of MC and a followed up check on Friday.Rest at home?It would have been fine, if it was really resting at home.It would have been fine, if I could drive and jalan-jalan sikit...maybe pi MPH ke or watch a movie. But, oh no...it's house arrest (yup, not a rest but arrest)for me.No driving.Its just me with the kids, bibik,mak, tv and bed.Kakak made up some excuses on Monday, tak pi sekolah..she thinks I am going to berjalan-jalan with adik. Tuesday and today, tak pi sekolah agama...konon nak study for final term...hmm.Both my kids are no angels...when they are together...the house is filled with maximum noise.Sakit telinga and sakit hati pun ada jugak.My little girl pun tak nak pi tadika...asyik tengok cartoon, pagi, siang malam....cartoon.Kesian jugak.Today, before my sleeping session...we coloured some drawings...lepas to mama dia TIDUR.To be honest, the ubat that Dr. H bagi memang untuk rest..asyik rasa mengantuk.And I refused to pikir pasal work today...Monday, asyik tanya office okay ke..tu dah buat ke, ni dah siap ke? meeting blah blah boleh orang lain ganti ke?...yesterday called up office a couple of times since I had to relate back a few matters based on the calls that I received on my hp... hmm, hp personal tapi calls tak personal...So, my mission for today was I JUST DO NOT WANT TO THINK OF ANYTHING except rest.Answer calls while awake only. Reply smses that was necessary only...Was my mission accomplished? Partly....
It was something like a burnt toast,the bread is toasted but with a bit of bitter burnt taste...just scrapped the burnt bits, spread more butter and jam...it's not perfect but just fine.

Unacceptable

It does not matter if this does not make sense. I do not owe anyone any apologies neither should I let it go by without acknowledging my frustrations. I had a horrible day today. I do not know where to start. I am so pissed off with the lack of RESPECT of certain so called professionals.I am just doing what has been amanah to me. I do not want to be MISS POPULAR.I just want to do my job.If certain people, tak faham-faham jugak. Tak tau lah nak buat apa.I have learnt the hard way through the years, that you cannot be politically correct and sugar coat your words all the time. You cant be saying things of what they only want to hear.I can be sensitive to the needs and the feelings of family and friends but I can not tolerate RUDENESS.Today, I had a group of hostile people to begin with. The moment I entered the room, I could sense the negative feelings. I knew it was a losing battle...but I did not want to put up the white flag or to go to war without a fight. The real truth was, there should not have been a war on the first instance.What these people fail to realised that I am here to help them, to assist them, to facilitate for them....but what can you say or do when you know that there was a "closure"...I was basically trying hard to maintain a sense of objectiveness, a sense of respect for the rest, biting my tongue from saying anything disrespectful, but alas it appears that I was the only one trying hard to be sensible. Does this appear to be one sided babbling and muttering...I don't think so. I can't reveal much without revealing all.My work ethics does not permit me to do so. Will I regret anything said or done. To be honest I don't know. All I know for sure is you cannot let anyone think you are a lesser person from them. I stand by my principles, and that I am proud of.

I don't know...

Had a dream. It was weird and confusing.Should I be concerned about it.Is my subconscious telling me something. I don't know.

Maybe...

Watched a movie on the vcd. Am so confused.It was supposed to a romantic comedy.Am left baffled with the story line.I was lost a couple of times during the movie. Three guinea pigs agents was much more interesting. Hmm...could it be at the back of my mind, I have some office matters to settle...and it has distracted my flow of thoughts...hmm, maybe.

Oh dear!

Hmm,today bertambah grey hairs, but I don't think it's making me more mature.Had errants to run today. First, it was a trip to Menara Celcom untuk dapatkan refund. Hmm, my hair started to grey from there, this young lady didnt give me chance to explain about the cheque, instead she started to tap on the keyboard without asking for further info...hmm, told me to wait for a moment, masuk ke dalam, something about checking with the finance section, came out later, kata, no one at finance...maybe masih bercuti, lepas tu kata, cheque masih valid. DUH! Yang tu, I pun tau.That was not the reason I came over....anyway to make the long story short...CELCOM akan bagi cheque baru atas nama I nanti.Lepas tu,pi makan capati for breakfast with hubby kat Jalan TAR. No grey hairs there.

Next stop was KAMDAR, hubby singgah nak beli seluar.I bought myself 2 t-shirts lengan panjang.Boleh la nak pakai ke kedai ke.Sementara, hubby tunggu seluar tengah potong...I ternampak kedai emas dalam Kamdar. Tanya boleh tak repair hook necklace...boleh, only setengah jam....hmm, ya, more like 1 1/2 jam lebih.Yang tak bestnye, dia duk layan this couple....lama lah jugak.....geramnye. Alahai....dia lah owner, jurujual and tukang emas...all rolled into one.That episode left me with a cekak of grey hairs.By the way, sorry kak kena tempias tadi...

I am greying...

Frustration and annoyance feelings are not to be taken lightly. Am I frustrated or annoyed? Could be. Should I let it consume me. NO.It's just one of those bumps in a journey called life. What's life without some bumps along the way.Life is after all not all rainbows and roses...it's not black and white either...it has some grey areas. And greys usually present signs of maturity...if that's the case...I am slowly maturing into a better person.

New toy,old girl..

Hubby is distracted. Very distracted. Not paying much attention to me.He is besotted with something new.Shiny.Sleek.She moves fast too.He has a new love.He has a new toy.So far he has taken his girls for rides except for this girl.Well, this old girl has a lot more mileage to go too.On the other hand, this old girl enjoys a certain amount of ME TIME too!

The ugly truth

Had this conversation with hubby the other day..its about the "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" personality in bosses.Am very much aware of this. In fact had a boss with this split personality.I have to admit, to some extent, I too have that personality. Well, more of a chameleon.This is not hypocrisy but plain truth. The Ugly Truth.

What is ugly may not be the truth.And what is truth may not be ugly.So, should the truth be ugly? Why the ugly truth? (is this confusing?) So,take this:

Truth- I can be quite garang with the kids. Ugly- can be quite lazy at times.
Truth-love a good book, anytime. Ugly- love chocolates, all the time.
Truth-hates when hubby smokes. Ugly- the sight of my flabs.
Truth-hubby loves my p..(PG 18)....with all the ugliness...hahahah!

We live in this world, where people are eager to know your weaknesses,enjoys listening to gossips,strive on your stupidity...should I go on.

But to me, at the end of the day, just be yourself.There are ugliness in all of us. To me that's the PLAIN TRUTH.

p.s by way watched The Ugly Truth on my own.As usual.

just around the corner

Raya preparation? For the kids, dah beli baju sebulan lepas.Untuk rumah? Maybe nak beli curtains.For myself, hmm, belum fikir anything lagi. For hubby, hmm, beli lah sendiri...hehhehe. Tahun ni tak ada bonus...sobs!sobs!
Untuk adik yang asyik bertanya....raya belum lagi.Nanti...besok,besok,besok...untuk kakak, perut dah turun sikit...ayah, hmm,bila lagi nak berhenti merokok.......for myself....maybe a couple of new books will make me happy.Or maybe a movie will do the trick.

On the wheels

Am fustrated.Very frustrated.Tired.Just plain tired.Feel like a hamster on the wheels. Turning round and round. Need a break.Need new energy.HELP!!!!!!!!

Rainy days....

I am named after the first muslim woman in nursing. She was the person who helped Prophet Muhammad s.a.w in nursing the wounded soldiers in the holy wars. Her contributions was so great that she was allowed by the Prophet to go to wars with the men. That was a great recognition of this wonderful lady. But alas, I do not think I am up to the standards of my name sake.

What's the relevance you may say, well, both of my kids were down with fever and coughing. Kakak had high temperature fever with asthma attack. Adik pun demam, tapi tak sepanas kakak. Took them to Hospital Sungai Buloh after suboh on wednesday morning. Risau with the curent H1N1 situation. Didnt want to be paranoid but didnt want to ambil mudah too. So, since wednesday, I took leave from work to take care of them. Kakak is much better now although masih nampak pucat and still coughing. On the other hand, adik's temperature naik and turun.She is also fine now but started coughing pulak.

Am thankful to the MA at hospital nama Adi, he took care of kakak well. Gave two doses of the neubuliser, bagi makan paracetamol and sponged kakak. The doctor was concerned that since kakak has a high fever with asthma, he gave her the anti viral medication for Inf. A and B as a precaution. She had a cocktail of medications untuk bawak balik. Adik on the other hand, dapat ubat demam and ubat selselma/batuk.Adik pi screening tapi kakak terus masuk emergency untuk athsma treatment.

This is where the role of my name sake comes in. I have been with the kids 24 hours since weds...it has not been easy. Kakak mula-mulanye senang makan ubat, lepas tu start episode drama minggu ini, panadol kena belah empat, capsule tak boleh telan and ubat anti viral rasa macam susu masam adik.Adik pulak tak ada problem makan ubat tapi tak mau makan. Risau asyik nak minum sirap aje or any liquid kecuali makan.Mata nampak kuyu tapi lawan mata untuk watch tv and dvds.Bila dapat tidur, adik tidur lama jugak.

This nurse got up at 2 plus in the wee hours of the morning untuk bangunkan kakak makan antibiotics. Tidur, tak beberapa nak lena cos takut telajak waktu.This morning, I think the whole neighbourhood boleh dengar my "letering" with kakak.She created the whole ugly scene of crying,tak boleh nak telan ubat,apa lagi I took over the lead role of "ibu tiri" pulak.Kesian hubby, his sleep was disturb by all these dramas.

The "nurse" in me was no where in sight.Thats why it doesnt take a rocket scientist to know that that I would not make a good nurse. Thus I have admiration for those unsung heroes in the nursing or medic field.

My late father must have good intentions when he named me after a great and iconic person.I hope some good values of the name sake tempias to me. Bless him.

p/s. to my dearest sisters - Kak, Kak Mah and Tizah...thanks for the concerned smses and calls. I really appreciated them. Its lovely to know that my kids have caring aunts. To Kak Dah, there is always a beautiful rainbow after the rain has stopped.The sun is shinning brightly.Insyaallah. Have a speedy recovery.

Just one of those days

Am at home. On mc for two days.Seems that I have acute tonsillitis/sinusitis.That explains the sore throat and the low grade temperature that I am having for the past 1week.Adik pun tak sihat.Her throat is sore too.Adik pun tak pi sekolah.Pi jumpa doc untuk adik but ended up with me kena check up too.Doc said I should be concerned about the haze.And about H1N1.In fact he shared his concerned about H1N1 for about 15 minutes.It's a nightmare (not the doc).

Enough about that,the weekend was pretty tiring.Work was work as usual.Had a family event.Zalina,abang's eldest got married on Saturday.Was up till 1.30am on Saturday, buat bridal bouquet.Tak sempat nak beli sponge yang baru, pakai yang lama(courtesy of Amal,thanks,appreciated it).So, bunga bila nak cucuk, tak lah berapa nak lekat.Frankly speaking, tak lah suka dengan the outcome, terpaksa ikat riben tinggi so that the lace will cover bahagian yang lompong.You are most welcome. Thank you.

Enough said, bawa balik kerja,kononnya nak buat on sunday,sampai kena pegang dengan tangan, beg dah penuh.Tapi,sunday was spend with the kids at Tesco beli barang rumah and hantar duit untuk Bibik.Tak tengok wayang with kak Mah.To be honest,quite disappointed tak dapat pi.

Hello !!!!!!!!

I missed you terribly...I wished we could have more contacts.How do I begin to tell you that you I felt a sense of "incomplete", rasa serba tak kena...macam si pungguk merindukan bulan...now that a bit over the top.Hahaha....its not hubby that I am missing,its my postings on my blog. The last posting was on the 21 June,now that has been ages...more than a month.Had problems with internet connection or to be precised lack of it.

A lot has happened in my life since then, first it was the superb concert with Anuar Zain.Amal and I had our ladies nite, we left behind our stress and problems for 2 hours. We shooked our heads, sang along, cheered, laughed and screamed at and with Anuar.I had so much fun. Amal was really in her element...hmm, maybe a bit too much...she took "Anuar back"...hmm, takut jugak tapi seronok with a capital S.Hehehe.

Then, it was Sofia's 4th birthday party.Since I was feeling tired and stress, I had the party catered...hmm, terkejut tengok rumah jadi sesak.Maybe, the next time, order makan aje, tak payah the whole shing bang.

Work was typical work,rasa macam tak cukup masa....asyik penuh aje meja...macam tak bergerak....I must learn to delegate work...HELLLLLLLLP!

The travelling, does not help....rasa penat,especially kalau the travelling coincide with weekends....frustrating ....other than that, I feel that am in deep #$%*# with M.Hmm, cant be pleasing everyone...the only thing that keeps me going is...buat kerja kerana Allah.

Had a dream two days ago...I ada boyfriend cute sangat,handsome...and very caring. Nothing x-rated about the dream...just a lot of hugging.I related this to hubby...he said mujur mimpi aje,mula-mula tak faham, than baru perasan what he meant.Heheheh, jealous juga abang ku ni....heheh. Cherio, dah nak masuk maghrib, tak mandi lagi. Balik awal, malam ni nak pi berinai Zalina.Soooo much to tell, tapi tak boleh nak cram semua.Lets hope I will dream of Ryan Reynolds tonight.A girl can wish right?Cherio again.

With warm thoughts and memories

I make it a point to have father's day lunch with hubby and his girls. But this year plan tukar sikit.We had makan-makan kat rumah untuk bincang the preparation untuk abang's eldest daughter wedding and Father's Day celebration combined.
I don't have much memory of celebrating Father's Day with arwah Pak.Sadly, bila Pak dah tak ada, baru rasa ruginya tak celebrate father's day with him.
There are nine of us.I am the second youngest in the family.Pak and mak has two sons and seven daughters.It does not matter whether we had equal time with them. I am sure, we each have special memories of Pak. Mine was aplenty. Nevertheless, my last conversation that I had with him is still fresh in my memory.It was a day before he passed away.It was before subuh, I had a weird dream, I dreamt that Pak passed away but mum managed to revived him by massaging him. I woke up immediately,sat at the edge of the bad, told hubby and called him up immediately. He was already awake.I asked about his health, he said, he was not feeling too well, and tanya bila I nak balik to visit him. I promised him that I will balik "this weekend".Little that I knew,it was my last conversation with him.
I have so many warm memories of Pak,so many that it would be difficult and painful to mention all of them.I always felt I was closer to Pak then Mak.Even though Pak was strict nevertheless, I never felt that I could not go to him if I have any problem.It was Pak to gave me "the talk about akil baligh".I remember sitting on the bed, listening to him explaining about period.Surprisingly, I tak pulak rasa malu.Pak was always there for me.I didn't realised that I am always forgetting and needing something from him. Always.
I remembered Pak waiting for me at the the bottom of the stairs case, jalan belakang sekolah with a Tupperware of udang yang I tertinggal kat rumah untuk my SRP's home science exam.Pak datang ke my hostel bawa Acts and Statues yang pak beli untuk my exams.Supplying me with air yassin untuk jadi penerang hati for my exams, every semester without fail.Rushing over from Gombak with mak to Shah Alam, bila I was pick pocked at Bus Stand Klang.Gave me some words of encouragement sebelum I pi ambik my SPM's result by saying that no matter what was my result,he would always be there for me and that he will always sayang me....He was there so many important occasions in my life, my graduation, my first job, my engagement and wedding. He was my driving force in life. He said to me, before Pak pejam mata, dia nak tengok my anak.Sadly, he didn't. On the day that I had Athira was one of the happiest and the saddest day of my life. I missed his hugs, his kisses, his laughters,his presence.I missed him. May Allah swt have mercy on his soul and may he be placed dikalangan orang yang beriman. Al-fatihah.

Time to shop....

Another gathering of makan-makan.This time at the request of big brother.
Theme:Papa Rock(to celebrate Father's Day).
Main agenda : Family discussion on Zalina's pending wedding.
Menu (potluck): Spaghetti with meatballs sauce,garlic bread,assorted mini paus, hot dogs(courtesy of host),Tom Yam linguine by Teh,pizzas,carrot cake with cheese frosting and brownies from Tizah,kari kambing from BB and kak Zai,Yong tau fu,rendang tok and pulut palas from kak and family,buah tembikai from Ali and CT Aisyah,assorted cold cuts and salad from kak chik.
Decision: I need a bigger dinning table.

Hmm, mmm....

Watched a movie with hubby without the kids.Took a day off from work, the next day lepas balik dari Lumut. Was very grateful to him for taking care of the kids while I was on a working retreat in Lumut. Why call it a working retreat? Don't ask me why.It was jammed packed with dry stuff. Dari pagi sampai ke tengah malam, duk mengadap kerja. Pantai pun tak nampak. Memang pun datang untuk kerja, so can't complaint. My better half was left babysitting the kids.The kids seronok mandi kat pool and pi jalan-jalan dengan ayah.Lepa membeli sakan kat Giant, beli macam-macam, the room bercame a mini kedai runcit. They ate, ate, watched tv and lepak kat pool. Tapi malam, tak boleh nak keluar, jalan ke hotel tak berapa elok and the hotel was tersorok ke dalam hutan and estate kelapa sawit. Jalan sempit and curam.

Anyway, back to tengok wayang, masa menunggu nak masuk panggung, I said this to hubby "....lepa ni tak kerja ke? Ramai jugak tengok wayang". Then I added " just by looking at the couples, you will know, yang mana dah kahwin atau mana yang tengah dok couple". His response was "hmm...mmm" while stuffing his face with popcorn...by the way satu kotak habis sebelum tengok wayang, so hubby bought another.
After movie, we did some shopping.I bought myself two pair of shoes. You can't never have enough shoes.Lepas makan, we jalan-jalan sikit.Then, balik rumah.The day was still young but we were not.
Age is definitely catching up with us, ... LETIH. Memang ada beza bila dah kahwin dengan tengah dok courting.Semangat ada, tapi kudrat dah kurang. Hehehe.

No monkey business

Someone that I respect and have fond thoughts of said this to me "cakap bila perlu aje, if it's not necessary to say anything, don't say a word". This appears to be a caution. An advice. A working tool.Or just plain COMMON SENSE. Well, these words of advise came from my former boss, infact my first boss in the service. And the advise was given to me about a couple of weeks ago masa I jumpa dia kat conference. I am currently attached to the same Ministry he was formerly from.
So, it appears to be....jangan buka mulut kalau tak perlu. I dont mind the part of not saying anything kalau it's not important or necessary...masalahnye sekarang ialah, kalau tak buka pun susah and bila tak nak bukak, kena menjawab pulak. Hmm, not a win-win situation eh! Am not comfortable yet without the working environment.Maybe because their main core of business is just not my cup of tea. Although the legal aspect is very interesting.
Am always wondering whether I should be watching my back all the time or just let down a bit on my insecurities. I can be quite paranoid with a capital P.
All I can say at the moment, is that I am exhausted with the current pace. I know that time of essence...but I would like to plead "one at a time , please". I have a lot on my plate at the moment. But then what's life without some colours. It cant be black or white with shades of greys in between.
At the moment, no monkey business for me eh!

I hear you....

It seems that I had caused some "hoopla" over my AWOL or MIA over the weekend. I took my kids to watch a movie without attending my nephew's engagement. I have my reasons. I had to make a choice. I chose my hubby and kids.

On another note, I had this conversation with my eldest....I tegur her about gaining some unwanted kilos...then she said "mama ni tak sedar diri, mama pun sama" . Amboi ! I dont think I would have said that to her grandparents. Although mak and father was never overweight. Was she rude or just being honest?

Anyway, she made up for the lack of pc...by saying "I love you mama", so I replied " I love you too" and this was followed by " I love you more".

Just sweet

Today, me and the girls went to watch "17 Again" at Damansara Cineleisure. It's was Athira's choice. Adik nak tengok Monsters vs. Alien . Since ayah dah beli dvd for that movie, so kakak won hands down.

It was a sweet and simple movie. I enjoyed it. Adik, on the other hand, was quite bored by the second half of the movie. She walked down the aisle, sat on the front empty seats...tidur terlentang on me, talking quite loudly...it was difficult for her to stay focus on the movie.

Anyway, would I want to be 17 again? I doubt it. Maybe I could have study harder (is it possible?)..nah! I would have not made any changes...17 was sweet and carefree.

Cant wait to catch the next movie "The Proposal"...am looking forward to that. I have always enjoyed watching Ryan Reynolds on the big screen. Till then, tata.

A bit of drama

Whats life without a bit of drama.So, the dramas (yes, quite a few)in my life for the past two weeks started with a legal opinion which open a big can of worms...had to perused bundles of documents...was pressed for time...received pressure from senior officers...kepala pusing...macam-macam nak buat and was desperately pressed for TIME.Then my kids demam, had to leave them for 4 days with hubby. Felt really lousy. Rasa really bad for adik, kakak was more independent and boleh diharap, tapi adik tiap-tiap malam kalau nak tidur kena peluk-peluk, usap rambut and she will be touching me while sucking her bottle...she's the "touchy-touchy" one...kesian pulak pikir dah lah demam, mama terpaksa leave for work.My heart was certaintly not with me when I left for pangkor. Bila balik dari conference, work was pilling on the table, didnt have time to breathe...Syukur Alhamdullilah I didnt have to leave for Tunisia untuk a conference, kalau tidak I will be away from the kids again for a week.Over the weekend,to compensate for being away from the kids, we took the kids jalan-jalan,although I was feeling lousy, I dragged my feet for the sake of the kids...I bought myself a pair of earring, adik pulak nak tindik telinga,hari kedua tindik, adik demam again pulak, teruk kali ni. Maybe due to ear infections, telinga bengkak really bad, merah menyala, bawa pi klinik, doktor kesian kat dia...doc said that if the demam doesnt get better and if the ears gets more inflamed....kena cabutkan subang. I was all for it..but adik was adamant in not having the earrings removed..she said...adik nak cantik...adik demam, mama pulak torn between nak release adik from the pain but yet at the same kesian kat adik, dia nak sangat pakai earrings. Well, glad to inform that after a series of antibiotics and ubat demam, adik is recovering well. In the mean time, the next drama is hubby... jatuh motorbike.Malam yang dia jatuh motorbike tu, he didnt tell me.I came back from a long and tiring day,precisely 11.45pm, masa tu was on my third day of puasa, hubby pun puasa jugak....puasa nazar. I had three meetings that day, mesyuarat pengurusan, post cabinet meeting and mesyuarat tatatertib at 6pm...had only half an hour rest in the afternoon untuk solat,then it was backed to backed of further meetings.Mesyuarat tatatertib was at IOI Resort, tak pernah pi tempat tu, had to rush within 20 minutes from office to IOI...argh!!! Buka puasa during the meeting kuih yang I pau from the post cab,kepala was throbbing like gila.Break untuk prayer then dinner (lauk ikan yang I took was hanyir...so left me feeling more miserable)...sambung with mesyuarat....ahhh...balik rumah ( I drove like mad, was quite worried, cos was feeling very tired and sleepy)...sampai rumah, tengok ada kereta tapi tak ada motor...rasa sejuk...motor kena curi ke, cos pintu gate terbuka.Bila naik bilik, tengok semua tengah tidur..woke up hubby tanya about motorbike, he said ada kat bengkel...and didnt mentioned at all about jatuh motorbike. The next day, in the morning he complained about kaki bengkak...baru nak cerita yang he met with an accident, he tried to avoid a car that made a last minute turning.He had to tahan from knocking into the car,he ended up lying on the road with the motorbike atop of him...mujur and SYUKUR ALHAMDULLILAH tak ada kereta lain from the back, kalau tak....Anyway, to cut the cerita in halve, he took an EL on thursday...the kaki become more bengkak, he complained of sakit rusuk...I said besok pi hospital, takut fractured rusuk ke...so, today I took EL, brought him to ER at SDMC. Had some x-trays, jumpa othopedic...ada fractured kat his small toe...MC untuk 1 month...wheeled him pulak to fisio...ambik cructhes...he had to learn how to use the crutches...lepas bawak balik to pharmacy kat ER...ambik ubat...hmm,boleh ke hubby tahan dok kat rumah untuk one month.I doubt it.....am betting, he will back to work within a week..

A pinch of everything

I have survived 2 weeks at my new office...hurrah!My days have been filled with meetings,in the mornings, afternoons and sometimes in the evenings.Then it's the "I wish I have more hours in the day" to finish my work.I can only start work after all the meetings....am still trying to adapt..but I dont think I am able to take baby steps, I have to take big giant steps. Its a new ball game now.

Anyway enough about work, last weekend was full for me. first, I had to go to abang's place untuk family meeting. I thought I was able to sleep and rest but kak called, abang spoke, so,I had to drag the whole family with me to Gombak. Thank goodness hubby can be VERY understanding. He tolerates a lot of my requests especially when its about my family.Although I feel guilty imposing a lot of things on him. My family can quite forceful at times.Sometimes, the WE can be a bit too much for me and him.I dont think he is fully comfortable with the family and I do not blame him.I have always given priorties to my family. But, sometimes,there are things better left unsaid.

Sunday, was lunch with the rest of the family with Mak Tam and Pak Tam's family.We had a belated mother's day celebration at Khatijah's Kitchen.Mak was in Alor Setar.I wished that she was there tapi nak buat macam mana. Mak deserves to be happy no matter where she is.

#$%&*

I am suppose to be sleeping...am still a bit under the weather and tired, the kids and hubby are asleep but I just had a marathon session of GA. So I am unable to sleep...the season finale of GA left me feeling sad...my mind is doing some somersault exercises at the moment.This is #%&*....it's just plain crap.

p.s need to see the doctor tomorrow, the throat is still very sore...double crap!

So tired....so true.

Am too tired for my brain or my body....does this make sense. It does not have to be something logical....just plain...fact. It is a statement...am SOOOO tired. I want to sleep badly...but the body refuses to connect with the brain.So, am posting rubbish...just to occupy the time...Sofia, bless her, she thinks mama is doing some work....so NOT TRUE!!!!!

101- New steps

After a brief but eventful trip(tahlil, makan, makan & makan)to Alor Setar, am back in KL. Today is my second day at the new office. Hmm, quite memenatkan. But what's life without any challenges. On my first day, tersilap masuk bangunan, ada dua bangunan with one podium.Today tersilap parking...parking sebelah the big man himself....heheh tersilap lot.Tak apa, take small steps at a time.

p.s adik tanya I, nenek buat apa? So, I said "nenek apa?". She replied, Tok hajjah buat apa? I tanya dia "adik rindu kat tok hajjah ke". Adik jawab "Tok Hajjah ada kat Alor setar. Adik rindu Tok hajjah".(To be honest I was terkejut with the response..does she knows the meaning of rindu and I didnt expect that from a 3+, somehow the sentence macam perfect aje). Than she pondered. and said this.."Tok hajjah beli ais krim". Alahai, adik. Sedih pulak rasanye.

Birthday wishes and carrot cake

Hello 42. That's the number for this year. Like or not, we all age...there will be more white hairs from now onwards.Its the big B Day today.Spend the day with my usual itinerary,mammogram and ultra sound check up, watched a movie and lunch. All this on my own. I celebrated my birthday in my own usual way. ME time. Which was quite sedih actually..sobs,sobs...but on the bright note, I received some lovely birthday wishes. My first birthday wish was from kak chik,she sent me a midnight birthday message via sms but it was on the wrong date...hehe...more like 24 hours early...but it doesn't matter and I didn't have the heart to tell her,"kak chik, you silap tarikh"...that would be cruel.The ball started rolling this morning with birthday wishes from hubby and kids.Followed with a missed call from Sue,she left a voice mail tapi I returned her call, and promptly dengar the voice mail...so sweet she sang me a birthday song..hehe, pitching ada lari sikit tapi boleh terima la.Then Kak Mah rang with her birthday wishes followed by Amal.All these while I was at the hospital.Sue said to me earlier why do mammogram on your birthday..well, I have been doing it for the past three years as a birthday gift for myself semenjak Kak had the big C.Its a wake up call for all of us.

Received few more birthday sms, another pitching salah call tapi in Soprano style fom Kak Dah in Kuantan and a long birthday call from zura....and as usual a string of sms exchanges with kak, kak's sms can be quite hilarious or confusing, cant put my finger on it..kak said something about wishing me an early birthday wish as mak would be having labour pains by now....so, I replied, mak had her labour pains since last nite cos my birthday is today.It seems that she had a mixed up with the dates, Aye kata its on the 26th.

I thought I would enjoy a day out on my own,do some shopping ke,do something frivolous ke, tapi I ended up doing something mundane like pi ke Tesco untuk beli susu Sofia and to the pejabat pos untuk bayar bills.Hmm, it seems I have finally grown up. But the little girl inside of me still wants a bithday cake..so I treated myself to slice of my favourite carrot cake with cheese frosting.Not so grown up after all.

Just too lazy and tired... for anything.

Am too lazy to do work...brought back some files home....the intention was to do some work during the weekends. Saturday passed by with a blur, sunday was grocery day..and jalan-jalan day with the kids and TH. Went to Giant with hubby without the kids(rasa guilty), had tosai masala and hot milo at Kayu. Balik rumah...keluar lunch at Mydin,Subang pulak.Balik rumah,was up to elbow mencuci bilik air...kak, syu, aye, amal and the kids came over in the evening with pisang raja (kak yang bawak) to visit TH.

Adik and kakak dah tidur. Both makan ubat selsema. Hubby is watching football...hmm, am too lazy to open the files....instead posting an entry...yawn,need to sleep, maybe will wake up at three or four in the morning untuk buat kerja. In the mean time, my back needs a rest, my head is asking for the pillows, my mind wants to shut down...hmm, I need to sleep.So tired.

The bad and the good....

This morning, well more like mid morning I was at SDMC for my appointment with the physician.As usual,the waiting place was brimming with patients...some appeared to be restless, tired or plain bored. I fell into the last category. As I am accustomed to hospital's waiting rooms, I brought my book and a bottle of mineral water to keep me occupied ( the book not the water) ...was trying hard to read but could not. There was a Chinese lady speaking very loudly on the hand phone. This was no just loud BUT MAJOR LOUD! I turned and looked at her, could not make any eye contact, as she too busy talking LOUDLY....I wanted to sent dagger looks, of course, could not.

It was very irritating. I wished people would understand, that private calls are meant to be PRIVATE. Please do not share it with others in an annoying way. I could not understand her conversation, but could pick up some smattering of english words. What do you do in this kind of situations....NOTHING.

Anyway, the good news that I got from Dr. Hew....my cholesterol, lipid levels were down...he was pleased. My usual dosage of 20mg has been cut to 10 mg....another blood test and check up in three months time. But before I left his room, Dr. Hew said..please exercise. I knew it was too good to be true.

Balik ke office, got a fax from HQ, transferred to another Ministry...hmm, kena cari kotak la pulak. Another journey begins.

Adik comel, kakak comot & TH puasa

This evening adik said something cute, she said "mama, adik comel, kakak comot". I found this to be very amusing. I tak pernah ajar adik to say that pun, maybe it is through her observations...hehehe.Kakak memang comot pun....she can be quite messy. Kadang-kadang baju kakak yang lawa jadi comot bila nampak baju gelebeh aje..she said mama yang buat kakak jadi comot.... she complained I beli baju yang besar for her bila I beli without her. Bukan tak pandai agak-agak her size, tapi takut nanti tak selesa. She is going to be 10 in November, hmm nanti lagi susah nak pilih baju. Mesti nak pilih sendiri. Adik walaupun kecik lagi tapi boleh tahan jugak memilih baju. Pandai nak melawa, asyik nak pakai compact powderla, berlip stick and pakai perfume.Habis barang mama lepa buat macam harta benda lepa. That's my girls.

Talking about emak and anak. Mak is with me, took her from kak's house on saturday. Bibik sempat berbisik to me this morning that TH kutip my brooches and simpan dalam her bag...so, I terpaksa buat buat bertanya kat mak samada ada ternampak my brooches, so mak pun mencari-cari. Memang pun, ada dalam bag mak. Hmm, tak apa, it is only brooches.

Petang tadi, hubby kata, mak resah pasai dia nak berbuka puasa tapi makanan tak siap lagi. She asked bibik to masak nasi. Mak of course tak puasa. So, hubby smsed to me (why, sms? Cos I was in the bedroom, upstairs)...his sms didnt make sense at first, something about pity mak, bila I turun baru he said mak kata dia puasa, nak buka puasa tapi tak apa apa nak makan. I tak siap lagi.

Anyway sebelum I turun bawah, mak asked me, laki kat bawah tu nak naik solat ke, I said Zubir ke, she said no, laki lain yang dia buka puasa kat bawah tadi...I said mak tak puasa, tadi kita makan tengahari...she said again bukan zubir tapi laki lain....hmm, risau pulak, laki mana pulak...naik bulu roma jugak. Hmm, mak boleh nampak something ke...takut jugak. Rasa macam dalam twillight zone pulak.

Where do I begin...

This morning while I was cuddling my youngest on the bed, savouring the minutes before I have to get up to start my day, I pondered on events that took place yesterday. I was in court in the morning, representing 3 juveniles and ended up representing 2 more juveniles with an adult. I had interviewed them weeks ago, made a representation to the DPP's office, hoping for the best for them. Yesterday, I went through again , the whole motion of interviewing/questioning , sharing my opinion and advising the new clients . My emotions pun bercampur-campur. You looked at them, thinking where have all the innocence gone to, you look at the parents and start to wonder when did they realised that they have lost control over them....at the back of mind I am trying my best to help the kids, but at the same time, the evidence and the facts are not in their favour...where do you begin as a parent, as a professional, as a fellow human being...to understand and and at the same time be grateful of your kids but yet frightened of the future.

As a mother I sympathise the parents and feel very humbled when the mothers bersalam with me, talking to me not only as a lawyer for the kids but as a mother to mother....pressing my hands with the hope that I can help their kids and and make a difference in their life....and at times leaves me with heavy burden to carry.

Yesterday, when the charges were being read again....I looked at them....they were just kids. Sedih. The charges against them are quite heavy, they would be looking at a maximum 20 years of imprisonment for one of the charges if they are adults, but being juvenile...the order not sentence would be under the Child Act.

I know its difficult to raise children, arwah pak was firm and yet compassionate and affectionate. I tak pernah kena pukul dengan pak, mak ada jugak cubit kat peha...but that was nothing. They raised 9 children well. I may not have toys berbakul-bakul macam my kids, pakai baju hand downs from my sisters, mak jahit baju cotton masa kecik-kecik, we had a simple life, mak was a house wife so she was always at home, makan apa aje yang mak masak, bukan trips to McD or KFC, tak tengok movies Disney ke, tak keluar every weekends, we visited relatives, we enjoyed the strong family values that they instilled in us, life was quite simple and happy then, just study hard so that we do not disappoint them....I grew up with sisters that I looked up to and brothers that I could depend on. I just hope that I can be become a good parents like them....kalau dapat sebahagian pun dah alhamdullilah. Syukur. Amin

Makan-makan & kak chick's tushee

It was quite an eventful weekend. The we had our Legal Clinic at one of the hypermarket in Kuala Lumpur. As usual when you have the public as your clients you must be prepare to accept all sort of questions and karenah. Be patient and keep your composure, no matter whether you are tired or do not feel so sociable. Some are curious, shy or just plain ignorant of your services.The clinic lasted 6 hours, 7 and a half hours to be precised, taking into consideration of the preparation time. There was some hiccups earlier on, the management did not provide us with tables and sufficient chairs although we have requested for them . We were tempted to buy some foldable tables...mujur we did not have to resort to it, we used some tables that were kept behind a small stage. We brought along some of chairs. But we had to buy kain at Kamdar for the table. Nampak buruk kalau tak ada covers. Ada ke the officer in charged of the arrangement was more concern about his trip to Sepang for F1.

The whole event left me quite tired, sampai rumah pun dah dekat pukul 6, didnt have enough time to cook for Syu's bbq, so, after exchanging view with hubby on what to bring to the gathering, I suggested beli Dominos pizza saja. So, off we went to Dominos in Subang Jaya, make the purchase order via phone for 4 large pizzas. Kids were happy about the pizzas, they thought we were having pizza dining in...hehehe, tricked them.

Syu organised a bbq for her mother...it was a belated birthday celebration. As usual, when the Wans get together, its all jolly good time of makan-makan. Syu had prepared ayam panggang, corn on the cob,chocalate cake, Aisyah brought sausages with coney dog sauce, Tizah baked Rasputin pies, kak mah brought some cupcakes, Daniel did the carrot cake with cheese frosting, Abang Imran with his famous sambal tumis sardine and Amal beli ice cream for dessert, we also had rice with Kak's gulai ikan.I cant remember whether I left anything out. I believe that food makes a family more closer and you cant be closer than this, as usual we love any makan-makan.

I'll be away to Putrajaya for 5 days...ada CMS...hmm, am not too thrill about it, tapi akan daya dah kerja. Oh ya, today pi visit Kak chick at Hospital Pusrawi ...she had an operation on her tushee...actually she kinda of embarrass about it ...hahahah....I had my fair chance of nursing Zubir's 3B (guess what it stands for..hehehe). So, kak chick get well soon so that you can go shopping at IKEA for a new cabinet. Ciao

(note: draft entry was made in the afternoon, during lunch break...it was not during waktu kerja, my conscience clear, hehheh ...sambung kat rumah)

I am clueless....

I have received some weird, hysterical and irritating sms through the years, today I received an sms which started a series of to and fro smses with my eldest sister. It started like this -

"Who is our new PM?" My reply was "Is this a tricky question? Hmm,its Najib or is it smthg else. Tell me". She responded with " Nothing tricky. Very straight forward. He is of course very popular w Malaysian". So I replied " Haiya. I tot u have smthg up yr sleeves.Kalau dpt cuti esok best jugak or pi bye2 Pak Lah dgn white handkerchief. Her following response was quite confusing, it was "White handkerchief. The clue". I texted "What is d clue? U giving me headache now" Kak replied with this "Okay2 dear. I thought it is Anuar Zain". At this stage I was pretty much confuse, so I replied with this "Anuar zain? Kak I am more confused". With that the smses stopped.

Now, I know that she has a lot of time on her hand and she can be quite lonely at home with the kids at work and at Uni...so she occupies her time by sending funny smses, sometimes with riddles, giving us updates on the latest info about the family, spreading any news, traffic flow on the North and South Highway (when she is travelling to Perlis or Alor Setaq)..and so on to the rest of the family. But today's sms was confusing. In fact I called up Amal to ask whether kak sent the same sms to her about who is the new PM. Now, I know for a fact who the next 6th PM of Malaysia...but I thought she was making some joke or giving some riddles.

Well, that's kak. I still dont know what is connection between the new PM and Anuar Zain and why the white handkerchief is a clue. I am clueless.

Asap rokok and my LB

What's my take or opinion of the movie Confessions of a Shopaholic -well, to be truthful, I was disappointed with the movie. I preferred the book version than the movie. Found the movie to be less entertaining than the book...the pace was a bit jumpy, macam tak cukup umph. The movie did not do justice to the book. Somehow the character of Luke Brandon in the movie was not the image that I had from my reading. I had the image of a more mature LB in my mind. On the character of Becky Bloomwood, what I love about her is her ridiculous imaginations and naivety....it can be quite annoying but at the same time adorable... Isla Fisher did some justice to the character. The dancing scene was hilarious. I really laughed loud and hard. I adored her in the movie "Definitely, maybe".

Anyway, yesterday my very own LB came over to my office. He was on leave. Had lunch at gerai ikan bakar kat jalan ipoh. Hubby was disappointed sikit cause the choices of ikan bakar yang masih ada was limited. We arrived at the gerai about 10 minutes before 1pm, gerai dah penuh...ada yang nampak macam lama dah makan, hmm, pukul berapa lepa ni keluar lunch ah? Makan berdua ni, lain sikit tak ada budak-budak nak kacau...tapi the surroundings was not romantic la, quite panas sikit and kena share the table with other customers. Tapi boleh la.

Back at office, hubby filled my room with asap rokok. Pening la jugak. He made himself comfortable with a big mug of iced nescafe, newspapers and ciggies...tak was not enough for him, bila officer I came in to my room to seek my advice...hmm, dia pun sibuk bagi his opinion jugak...thats what you get for marrying another lawyer...its a job and family hazards....hehehe. To be fair to him, am thankful with his opinion cause I pun tak sedar ada benda yang tak tahu.

After he left,my office boy came into my room with a can of air freshener...terus sembur-sembur. Hmm, nak tergelak pun ada, tak tau whether nak rasa insulted ke....maybe he could sense that I was quite uncomfortable with the smoke. Hmm, nasib la, that's my Luke.

My observations....

My observations for today :

1. Do not be afraid of showing your true feelings and emotions
2. Be true to yourself, no one knows you better than yourself
3. Mind your own business
4. What's yours is yours unless you want to share it
5. Stop drowning yourself in sorrow...just GROW UP!
6. You cant be accountable of other people's mistakes
   

It's okay....

Visited mum last night. She was folding her clothes in front of the tv. In fact she was so absorb in folding the clothes. I didn't want to disturb her pace. She looked so fragile. I had a tinge of sadness looking at her but didnt want to show it to her. Syahirah said that mum was still coming with terms of Wa's passing. It's never easy to lose someone close to you...not matter whether you are young or old. The emotions of grief are the same. I still miss Pak terribly at times.

Mum was aware of Wa's passing when I spoke to her...but this is something that we all have learn to accept of mum's condition...she has selective memory. She might remember something for a few minutes or repeat a conversation again. Again and again.

It saddened to think that mum has to come to terms with so many things in her twilight years...things and people around her can be very disorienting...and frightening. As a daughter, I don't know whether I am sensitive to her needs or am I self absorbent of my own problems. Too self centred of our own life.Will my children hold my hands as I had held them when they were young. I cant be second guessing of what's is in mum's mind....but I sure hope she doesn't have any doubts of our love for her.

Something on a lighter note, hubby asked the waiter in Nando's today for invoice instead of the bill. He is aging ...and he is always telling me to remind him about stuffs...to pay the bills, to call up someone...to see someone....he has enough gadgets with him to bleep and ring but he still needs me to rely on. It's okay, am not complaining. In fact I need it more than he knows.

Pagi jumaat...

We lost Wa Wan Aisyah today. There wont be anymore Hari Raya visits at Wa's place in Alor Setar. No more bunga rampai by Wa for the next wedding. I will always associate Wa with sambal belachan yang kaw, gulai ikan yang best and the source of latest cerita. We will miss her dearly. Al Fatihah.

Bila nak sihat ?

It all started last week, to be precise last Monday. I should have known better than to take something that I knew would have lead to something painful. Thus, against my better judgment, it has resulted in me feeling bad for the rest of the week. Now, I am suffering as to the result of my stupidity. Dahlah rasa demam, hidung asyik berair aje. Nak buat macam mana….this all because of penangan makan nasi lemak KFC. The sambal tumis was up to the max with belacan.The belacan smell and taste was so overwhelming. I should have known better than to makan it.It screams resdung with a capital R. Tapi nak buat macam mana, perahu terlajak dah tak boleh berundur. Hmm, kat ofis pun ramai yang tak sihat, that must have aggravated my condition too.
So, I went through with the usual, hidung gatal, mata berair ….sniffling,….sneezing…then the odd pimples, kat hidung la….alahai, then demam by Thursday. Had to take EL the next day. The weekend was slightly better though the head was thumping in a moderate beat. I was too tired to do any cleaning, took the kids (ours and Amal’s) to One U for lunch on Saturday and it was the shortest lunch we had. The children had their burgers, hubby and I had mee (spaghetti) curry. Makan tak habis. Balik ke rumah, adik sambung tidur but I was too tired to sleep. Sometimes, bila badan tak sihat or letih, I tak boleh tidur and when it happens, I DO NOT like it at all.

I am back at work today, kepala masih pening, still sniffling, throat still sore...AARGH….bila nak sihat.

Keeping my grips...

This has been quite a week for the kids. They have their cousins with them since Wednesday. There are the usual laughters, tears and tantrums.Amal left her two younger kids with us while having a jolly good time in Bandung.I am glad that I am not a kindergarten teacher....I would not have been good one. I for one do not have the patience and maybe the qualities of a good teacher. I am just a tired mother and maybe a lazy one too...my children do not have the luxury of a mother who sits and listens to them patiently, while coming up with wonderful games. I am more of mother who tries her best to listen to her kids while trying to hard to juggle her time with cooking, some light reading, cleaning, bagi adik tidur...I have said this to hubby that I don't like the person that I have become...I seem to membebel banyak, especially with kakak...asking her to pick her things, reminding her to do her homework, buat revision, hafal sifir, simpan her books and stationary, both the girls for messing the parent's room, reminding hubby to cut down on the smoking...in fact been asking him to stop smoking....blah, blah...the list will go on. Although most of the household chores Bibik yang buat tapi rasanya the kids bila I balik rumah aje, semuanya nak my attention. Lepas dinner, its sleeping time for adik...so my sleeping hours pun ikut anak. Kalau bawak balik kerja, I can only attend to it after the kids dah tidur. Last week, I had something urgent to speak to hubby and get his advice on an important matter, terpaksalah pi jumpa kat kedai mamak lepas kerja. Hmm, sampai tahap tu, cos the children will not give us space to speak. I am not complaining, just trying hard not to lose my grips.

Winds of change...

Even though I am not well today, in fact I took EL and continued sleeping after breakfast till late noon, hubby took me to the HP clearance sale....tapi was quite disappointed cos the Mini HP the one was eyeing for was sold out. Hmm, what a disappointment....after all the pusing-pusing that we did....we couldnt locate the place at first and imagine this, mencari the place after office hours...cari parking space. Kesian kat hubby. We had to do a few u-turns. Hubby didnt want me to feel sad for long, so he took me to Digital Mall, pusing-pusing tengok computers...I got myself a mini note book. I already have my Dell, tapi its more convenient to have a mini note book. Senang nak bawa ke ofis. Lagipun Athira and Adik bolehlah guna mama's pc....asyik guna ayah's. I hope to have more postings since I am able to log on anytime tak payah tunggu balik ke rumah.

Oh, I have changed the design/layout(?)....again. Sorry Syu, bukan tak appreciate all your hard work. Somehow, I rasa gambar masa kecik tu doesnt clicked. At the moment, my profile ada lagi the second photo...I kena tukar nanti. Nak kena ambik gambar baru, maybe letak gambar the kids with me eh. Tapi habis links ke blogs yang Syu buat tu. Nanti I kena tanya Syu macam mana nak buat link. Bukan cerdik sangat.

On the point about changes, am sensing a wind of change in my career at the moment...boss gave me tinkle the other day, katanye due for promotion. Tak tau lah, kalau ada..alhamdullilah. Amin. Tapi risau pulak tak tau ke mana pulak. Am quite happy with where I am at the moment actually. Minus the staff problems...things are rather fine. It has a combination of court work, admin, public service and office management. The best part is I am given the responsibility of heading a branch office. That to me is quite a big deal. Lets just see where the wind will be blowing now...

Lets have some rainbows

Yesterday was one of those days where I was feeling pretty low with myself and the whole world. Waked up feeling kinda of empty and sad....couldn't pinned it down to any specific...but there were clouds of grey skies over the head. I missed having good friends around me to share my problems.... and it a started when I was on the phone with Azu last Friday, she called me up after our last conversation, which was months ago and not often...Azu is one of my closes friends from the Uni, she was eager to gossip about another friend of us....this particular was not close to us and has quite a character....Azu had to speak to someone whom understood our "history.......", we reminisced about the good old times.

I guess that feeling of a missing link continued to yesterday, asked hubby innocently about men and their best mates...whether men are close to their friends as women are and whether they need them. His answers was as expected....nay. Well, I for one missed having a good chit chats with my girlfriends, the occasional gossips, the sharing of problems or just being yourself, yunno feeling comfortable in your own skins with them....there are no rivalries, no tantrums, no jealousies, just being happy with their achievements, sharing our children's ups and downs, pouring about being stress at work, not being embarrass in sharing with them stories that shows that you are not a prefect wife or mother....and knowing that they wont be passing judgements on you.....NOW, that what friends are for.

I need to get out of this EMO situation, get a grip of life...and do a reality check. With the stress at work, the amount of time you spend at work, balancing and managing quality time (?)with the family. I am sure that my friends are also struggling with this balancing acts. There is no time in feeling sorry with yourself. Have to snap out from this nasty grey clouds.....I just have to put more effort in making sure I have some ME time and that includes being with ones you love. Lets have some rainbows.

I hate my hats...

Am torn between two matters at the moment. Without giving too much detail, I was invited to give a talk at a dinner of my former Alma mater for the graduating batch....the problem is I have taken leave....we are suppose to go back to Taiping for hubby's land matters. It would be very selfish of me to postpone the trip to another day but you don't get this sort of opportunity knocking on your doors all the time. HELP, should I be a good and reasonable wife OR be in a position to give some aspiration to some eager beavers....I hate my different hats at the moment.

I have trained you well, Encik Zubir

I read Aisyah's blog yesterday, she at the early phase of marriage hood. Tengah sedap memasak for hubby. Well, Aisyah , my sweet niece, let Cippa give you some tips untuk make cooking more enjoyable.....teach hubby how to cook.

Well, Cippa enjoys cooking, tapi kalau duduk dapur sorang-sorang boring jugak, so masa early stage of marriage, I made it an effort to invite pakcik zubir join sekali masak...so kat dapur he will help with the cuttings and the stirring. Sampai sekarang pun, kalau dia balik awal and dinner belum ready, he will join me in the kitchen for the usual chit chat and masak-masak. I have this habit of washing up while cooking, so it makes sense to have him in the kitchen. Ada extra pair of hands untuk mengacau (stirring la, not disturb) lauk.

Bila dah lama tengok Cippa masak, pakcik Zubir pun dah boleh lah masak sendiri. I think he enjoys cooking too, but bear with the noise and the mess...he cooks like a mamak goreng mee, ketuk-ketuk kuali punya...tapi okay la tu, I can now rely on him to cook simple dishes ...so, if I am not well, ada period pains, fening kepala ..he will cook for the kids. Bibik can cook for the kids too, tapi not for hubby...he rarely eats food cook by Bibik and wants me to cook for him. Am grateful for that, that shows that he appreciates and enjoys my food....air tangan Cippa kan, nanti sedap air tangan Bibik pulak! Aiyo yo yo!

Anyway, semalam masa I tengah masak ikan goreng masak asam, while talking to him...I said, kena masuk gula sikit..then he said "untuk caramelised ". Wah, so I said to him " I have trained you well, Encik Zubir".

So, the Aisyah the morale of the story is let him help you with the cooking, used this to your advantage, trust me, you will need it ...

There are many colours in the rainbow....

Sometimes when you listen to a particular song, certain lyrics of the song will be repeated in your head, you be humming it at odd times and places, well, I have this particular song in my head at the moment....I have heard it about three times and have been very fascinated with the lyrics ...this particular song was sang by a little boy...what fascinates me was the message that it was sending coupled with the innocence of the boy's voice. The song was about giving our children the freedom to explore, be creative and just being CHILDREN. Parts of the lyrics that fascinates me are ...."there are many colours in the rainbow, there are colours in the morning sun, there are colours in the flowers....". I wish I know who sang the song, the title of the song and where can I buy the CD...hmm, maybe I need to contact radio IKIM about this.....do you think they would entertain such a query?

Anyway, last week was quite a mixture of sadness, anxiety, tense and a bit of contentment. I had the monthly meeting last Friday, gave my most sincere talk to my staff and officers. I was glad I didn't break down, I had to keep all my emotions in placed, say what was needed to be said only...and quite frankly, I was surprised with myself that I was very calm and articulate. Words came out smoothly (in Bahasa, mind you)....I felt my message got through to them. How disappointed I felt and the lack of respect from them.

That's one episode that is quite over for the moment....another one crept up pulak. I found out that my neighbour doesn't want Sofia to play with her daughter....it seems that the maid's pay will be cut if she allows my little Sofia in the house ....hmm, I don't know the whole truth about this, but what upsets me is that my little girl will cry her head off cos she wants to play with her friend and she doesn't know WHY she is not allow to PLAY with friend. It breaks my heart, I wish the grownups will more MATURE....I have no qualm about letting kids into my house to play, I don't have collections of crystals or antiques...my furniture are well worth the money that I have spend...they are still presentable even though not the latest designs....I wont go hysterical if the floor is dirty, the toys are strewn everywhere.....my children are not some untamed animals, they are just like other KIDS...and I am grateful for that.

With all the drama, that are going around in my life at the moment, I deserved a treat....and which I did.I treated myself to a movie....Marley & Me.....it was funny and yet sad. I bawled at the end of the movie. What I like about the movie that it was light and relaxing...nothing over dramatic, in fact everything was quite predictable...just a story about relationships.

I plan to do some painting this weekend, hmm it's Sunday today, am still at the computer making an entry on my blog, the other half is lighting up the charcoals.....we will be having masak lemak daging salai and ikan sembilang bersambal , hmm, jadi nampak gayanya, the walls will be a wishful dream....for the moment.

I wish I could make my entries everyday but am realistic about not having the time to do so. It would be unethical for me to do so during office hours....even reading the emails pun, I will read them in the morning cos ada saja staff masuk bilik...so rasa tak seronok nak baca emails. I will of course go through my official emails first, we have been receiving a quite a lot of questions on our services and some legal problems...and these emails have to be addressed ASAP. There are some dear friends like Sue, Zura, Shanaz and Hanim, and my sisters who will sent some hilarious emails...especially from Sue. Hmm, for someone who is always busy...or she claims to be busy...ada masa nak hantar benda merapu.....heheheh. Anyway Sue, I need THOSE EMAILS to keep me sane...hehehe. So keep them coming, cos with all the problems in the world, there are still many colours in the rainbow...and you, my friend is one of them, MUAH,MUAH,MUAH.

(made my entry on the 28 Feb, just a paragragh....baru hari ni boleh sambung, Sunday, 7 March...hmm.)

GERAM NYE......

I am so angry with my some of my staff and officers....but my mood has changed for the better in the afternoon. I am feeling much better than this morning ...I was so pissed off with this particular officer (LA), if only I could say a piece of my mind to her.....tak apa simpan untuk meeting hari Jumaat ni.

So, much for Monday blues.... walahal had a lovely weekend ,bawak the kids to watched Geng: Pengembaraan (Upin & Ipin). The animation was very good but a bit scray untuk budak-budak, especially the scenes dalam hutan....with the sound effects (we were seated the third row from the front...pening kepala and sakit tengkok...)...it can be quite violent(standard budak-budak la)...adik menjerit, oops more like shieking, covering her face with her jacket, at times, duduk mengecil dalam seat, peeping through her jacket.....ada masa pulak duduk atas mama dia, tutup my mata with her jacket....but bila ada scenes yang seronok, she was laughing so loudly until kakak tegur dia, I said to kakak biar aje adik.....they really had fun. Both of them enjoyed the movie......where was ayah ? Ayah was at hardware store in Ikano, dari mula hantar sampai habis movie.....

Back to today, the mood got darker by the seconds bila masuk kerja, bila I smsed semalam to one of my LAs suruh pi ke court, dia tak jawab, tunggu-tunggu, tak masuk kerja walaupun jam dah 8.30 pagi, called her up, didnt bother to answer.....she only call balik pukul 9 lebih kata pi klinik and ada mediation session pagi ni. Awat la, tak cakap awal-awal, I could not go the courts today cause ada some juvenile clients datang with their parents untuk interview.....case lepa hari Rabu. Interview dah set pukul 9 pagi. Guess what! She only left a message with the receptionist, DIDNT BOTHER TO TALK TO ME PERSONALLY!!!!

So, I pun mengadu to my better half and Amal. Went into damage control mode by asking one of LAs to attend to the cases ( at three diferrent courts), LA kata baju dia tak sesuai pi court la and dia ada duty kat service centre, sorang lagi LA terpaksa pi family court, ada a few matters depan Y.A and TP (given to her by one of the LO yang bercuti (how convenient) ), so lepas aje jumpa the clients.....I berkejar ke court pulak nak tolong my LAs....I pulak pi cari lepa, tak boleh nak contact cos dah ada dalam court....hmm, pi cari penyakit. Tak apa la naik turun tangga pun puas hati. Kerja kena buat jugak.

All these would not have happened if 1. kalau my LOs ada...2.kalau I tak approve cuti one of my LO (sorang pi BTN); 3. kalau that particular LA jawab my sms; and 4. kalau LO tak memandai bagi kes dia kat LA without my knowledge;

BUT whatever it is, it is your self worth and work ethics that matters.So kepada yang berkenaan, belajar-belajarlah ETIKA KERJA YANG BAIK.