Saturday, April 24, 2010

I love you too...

I was suppose to do my posting first then read the blogs of my family and friends..I was suppose to write about my birthday lunch that I had with a very close and dear friend..Azu. I was about to relate the things we spoke about..the things we did in the short pace of time..she was on a mission to get a new sofa set..we couldn't speak much as time was against us...and I had Sofia with cant have a decent conversation, when you have to have a third eye on a child...our conversations was about our we have changed...I think we all changed for the better.Thank you Azu for the birthday compensated for hubby's lack of presence..thank you for the cooking book..I will try to do justice to it. Thank you for not being judgemental about my kegilaan..I think you faham..

I was supposed to share how I spend my 43th birthday.

Instead, I was side tracked by the posting I read on Kak Chick's blog.Thank you Kak Chick for the words of encouragement..I was overwhelmed with it and could feel the sincerity of your words. I don't know whether I could achieve much...I don't know whether I could make Pak proud..he has such a big shoes to fill ..nevertheless, I will try my best..its not easy Kak Chick, arwah Pak was just not a father, he was a mentor, a protector, my security me, I would always be his little girl, trying hard to please him..what I missed about him was his just his presence and his hugs.

We were left with such a big legacy..big responsibilities..I remembered an incident that shaped my future. I remembered clearly,we were at Yang's place, Wa Wan Mat came over..the adults were talking...I was looking at a historical/pictorial book..when Wa tanya..what was my ambition..I said "nak jadi lawyer". Wa kata "baguih tu..cita2 besaq". Yang (one of my favourite uncle)laughed and gave some words of encouragement. Pak just smiled and nodded his head. He looked pleased. To me that was enough, that was me that was his blessing. I was 14 years old then..with that etched in my mind, I worked hard towards pursuing my dreams.

I tried Kak Chick, I am still you said, the legacy is hard to carry...we were raised by parents that were decent and hard working people..we were instilled with principles that they themselves we raised...we have Datuk Haji Wan Ismail and Wan Abdul Hamid's blood running through our veins..I cant honestly say with confident that there is something great in the waiting for me. That I think would be arrogant of me..but I know for certainty is that the road will not be easy.If I could achieve a quarter of what Pak was..I would be grateful for that.

So, Kak Chick from the bottom of my heart, I thank you for the loving words of encouragement..I not only have the steps of arwah father to follow but the steps taken by my sisters..sisters who have shaped me, sisters who are there to guide and support, sisters who are not judgemental..sisters who allow me to make mistakes, sisters who have sacrifices on their own...sisters that I know will be there for me.

You are a strong lady with a good head on your shoulders. You have your heart at the right place..but I feel that you may feel disappointed with the circumstances surrounding you..this I feel is because you have high expectations of your peers,of your students,of your subordinates and your loved ones.You expect the best from everyone because you gave your best. That I understand,the frustration of knowing that things can be better.That perfections is within your grasps but slips away not due to you but the fault of others.

What you need to know, is that you have left your have touched the lives of so many people.. you have nurtured and guided have a lot more to give...and you will not be contented until you have given it all..with that I raise my hat to you..

And I love you too.


Saturday, April 17, 2010

My hot chocolate...

I guess I must have step over some boundaries...for that I apologise. But to keep my thoughts bounded, sealed and kept under locks would be insane. I would not apologise for giving my honest views. I used to be stepped on...not now...I want to be heard but at the same time, I want to be sensitive to others and I think I deserve the same treatment. Lets be respectful. Respect.

Why is that it is so difficult to respect and be respectful.I would want people to respect me for my values, for decency, for being myself...not because of my position. But the truth is, you cant force people to respect need to earn it.

This posting is not a sesi meluah perasaan. On the contrary. I am in a good mood actually. I have been quite a naughty girl actually. Haha...too naughty to reveal...hahaha.

I have learnt that I cant control's not's nature..its beyond human nature...semuanye kuasa Allah swt.

So, sit back...banyak berdoa...berdoa...berdoa thats all that I can do.Lets wise, ada rezeki lain...ada benda, you just have to tolerate and persistently berdoa.. Macam nak minta hubby to stop smoking...hmm, nothing much can be done there.Its easier to submit your case to the judge...then persuading hubby to stop being a chimney....

Enough of that...lets day dream about hot tall hunky hot chocolate...hubby is more of nescafe...he can still stir me up, dont get me wrong...but caffeine gives me headaches..and also berangin...hahaha...he is going to wring my neck ....hubby doesn't read my blog its safe...hahaha. He thinks, its safe to let his wife to tinker on the keyboards that he can have his time also on the other computer...surfing the internet...or watching football...or reading newspapers..

So, tonight while he is watching football,drinking mugs of nescafe...smoking like a chimney..his adorable wife will be watching Nur Kasih again...escaping into my world of Adam Hassan...swooning at Remy Ishak...ahh bliss.


Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Yes maam....

Maybe I had too much fun on Sunday, the bubble has burst now.I had waited more than 2 weeks for the event..met RI, he is so dreamy.But feeling of excitement and the rush of madness has settled down. Quite frankly, for some unknown feeling kind of "flat" and quite frustrated.Had a meeting in KL today, so met lil sis for lunch..showed the spread of delicious photos of RI...bila balik ke pejabat, I was ambushed with so many things..the meeting in the evening was went on without any problem...tapi the incoming calls, emails and the files that were increasing into a mountain from a hill was most depressing.

No.Am not complaining, just feeling quite down. Could it be that I will be getting my period next week thus I am in this emo-coaster or just plain lack of interest in everything.

Maybe, the news that I got from Dato Alex was not something I expected.Maybe.

Could it be that bibik is on a tantrum mode and my lack of communication with her is taking a toll on me. Maybe. She left the house last weekend, pi urut..tak balik ke rumah...did not inform me about spending a night with her friends...only told Zubir...lepas tu Sunday balik lewat...did not bother to call us to tell when she will be returning home....then she got the cheek to ask Zubir hantar duit balik Indon on Monday...kononnye nak bayar motor...she thinks..bila cakap aje, terus hantar on the same day...Bank bergerak kot..tak ingat we are busy with work...lepas tu, minta her one month bonus to be sent together....amboi..

Must treat myself to a movie next week..


Saturday, April 10, 2010

Green is not my colour...

Today's activities was a bit of shopping, lunch at Homst Taman Tun,tengok dvd and tidur petang..I dragged hubby and the kids for a bit shopping at the mind was set on buying a birthday gift for a birthday bash that I have to attend tomorrow. Its difficult to buy a gift for a guy..and hubby was not helpful at all..he does not offer any suggestions...could it be lack of interest or a bit of jealousy on his part..hmm..I wonder. Anyway, I ended up buying a NIKE knapsack and an Adidas knapsack for hubby...there, I hope he is happy..lets hope he will make me happy on my birthday...looking at the surrounding circumstances fat chance.

Talking about circumstances, I am amaze with some of my friends lifestyles..hmm,rezeki masing-masing berbeza...they have the money to splurge here and there...the things that they talk about in the FB...I can only wonder...they must be making a huge amount of money. I guess we live in a different world altogether...I can only read in envy...Mercedes, holidays,shoppings, clothes...LV bags..running their on businesses,these are ladies who are at the peak of their careers with equally successful husbands, my, the list goes on.

Well, as for me, I still drive in my faithful 5 year old Wira with all the scratches,the only overseas trip I have made is to Singapore,no blackberry just a reliable Nokia (about 3 years old), don't have any expensive gadgets, cant afford an LV bag, dress modestly, no beautiful furnitures...only one modest house...I can only imagine the stuffs that they have...wah...but would I trade my life with them...alhamdulillah, career wise, I think I am okay...eventhough I am always complaining about being be honest would I choose to lead a different live?, all I want is some savings for the rainy days, healthy kids, to perform haj with the family,a better health,continous support and understanding from hubby...and spiritually to be more religiously enlightened.On a personal note...I would like to lessen this obsession that I have over someone...hahaha.

Tomorrow the whole family will attending a birthday do..lets hope there will not be any tantrums from kids and hubby(?!!)...

"We can only dream..and be grateful for Allah's blessings.Amin"

Sunday, April 4, 2010


Yesterday's check up was fine, although I was tired of waiting...pi register, buat blood test, menunggu for the results and then baru dah jumpa doc...lambat jugak, masuk jumpa doc dah rasa mengantuk,so bila Dr. Hew tanya how are you? I jawab fine but sleepy.. anyway the results were good...Dr. Hew kata I boleh frame that was a bit extreme eh Doc? But, as usual, the usual comments..'you have to lose some weight..make time for exercise...cut down on nasi lemak....makan nasi putih...cut down sugar consumption...blah...blah". "Walking in shopping complex is fine...but the meals that follows it is not fine...". I have been hearing this all my life...I just dont know what to think anymore...the jalan cerita got worst bila a young lady tanya I masa kat cafe..I was having my late brunch..."kakak follow up dengan doctor mana"... I said " ah aa, follow up asthma dengan Dr. Hew"...somehow, dalam kepala I pikir why dia tanya pasai follow up...when she got up to leave..I baru perasaan la, mengandung...alahai, so dia pikir I mengandung TOO....ah..I definitely need to lose weight. AHH...

Anyway balik dari hopital rasa badan tak sedap...demam...adik dah demam since last nite...I masak cepat-cepat..jam dah 1 pm plus...buat masak lemak ikan keli salai (ayah dah beli ikan keli salai kat pasar tani), ayah buat omelet and sayur sawi goreng ikan masin...and sambal, baguih dapat hubby boleh tolong masak ni..anyway that was lunch. Lepas makan, rehat, solat..ayah bawak adik pi klinik..Lepas tu tidur dengan adik..we were so tired...mata tak larat nak bukak. Tak boleh pi open house Syu. Tak larat. Missed the company and food..

Hari ni, masih rasa lousy but better than's already noon, grocery tak pi beli lagi, tak pi bayar lagi cc and phone bill..kerja bawa balik tak tengok-tengok lagi...


P.s..jumpa lagi ASP Kamal last week. He is hot...sizzling..hehehe.