My observations....

My observations for today :

1. Do not be afraid of showing your true feelings and emotions
2. Be true to yourself, no one knows you better than yourself
3. Mind your own business
4. What's yours is yours unless you want to share it
5. Stop drowning yourself in sorrow...just GROW UP!
6. You cant be accountable of other people's mistakes
   

It's okay....

Visited mum last night. She was folding her clothes in front of the tv. In fact she was so absorb in folding the clothes. I didn't want to disturb her pace. She looked so fragile. I had a tinge of sadness looking at her but didnt want to show it to her. Syahirah said that mum was still coming with terms of Wa's passing. It's never easy to lose someone close to you...not matter whether you are young or old. The emotions of grief are the same. I still miss Pak terribly at times.

Mum was aware of Wa's passing when I spoke to her...but this is something that we all have learn to accept of mum's condition...she has selective memory. She might remember something for a few minutes or repeat a conversation again. Again and again.

It saddened to think that mum has to come to terms with so many things in her twilight years...things and people around her can be very disorienting...and frightening. As a daughter, I don't know whether I am sensitive to her needs or am I self absorbent of my own problems. Too self centred of our own life.Will my children hold my hands as I had held them when they were young. I cant be second guessing of what's is in mum's mind....but I sure hope she doesn't have any doubts of our love for her.

Something on a lighter note, hubby asked the waiter in Nando's today for invoice instead of the bill. He is aging ...and he is always telling me to remind him about stuffs...to pay the bills, to call up someone...to see someone....he has enough gadgets with him to bleep and ring but he still needs me to rely on. It's okay, am not complaining. In fact I need it more than he knows.

Pagi jumaat...

We lost Wa Wan Aisyah today. There wont be anymore Hari Raya visits at Wa's place in Alor Setar. No more bunga rampai by Wa for the next wedding. I will always associate Wa with sambal belachan yang kaw, gulai ikan yang best and the source of latest cerita. We will miss her dearly. Al Fatihah.

Bila nak sihat ?

It all started last week, to be precise last Monday. I should have known better than to take something that I knew would have lead to something painful. Thus, against my better judgment, it has resulted in me feeling bad for the rest of the week. Now, I am suffering as to the result of my stupidity. Dahlah rasa demam, hidung asyik berair aje. Nak buat macam mana….this all because of penangan makan nasi lemak KFC. The sambal tumis was up to the max with belacan.The belacan smell and taste was so overwhelming. I should have known better than to makan it.It screams resdung with a capital R. Tapi nak buat macam mana, perahu terlajak dah tak boleh berundur. Hmm, kat ofis pun ramai yang tak sihat, that must have aggravated my condition too.
So, I went through with the usual, hidung gatal, mata berair ….sniffling,….sneezing…then the odd pimples, kat hidung la….alahai, then demam by Thursday. Had to take EL the next day. The weekend was slightly better though the head was thumping in a moderate beat. I was too tired to do any cleaning, took the kids (ours and Amal’s) to One U for lunch on Saturday and it was the shortest lunch we had. The children had their burgers, hubby and I had mee (spaghetti) curry. Makan tak habis. Balik ke rumah, adik sambung tidur but I was too tired to sleep. Sometimes, bila badan tak sihat or letih, I tak boleh tidur and when it happens, I DO NOT like it at all.

I am back at work today, kepala masih pening, still sniffling, throat still sore...AARGH….bila nak sihat.

Keeping my grips...

This has been quite a week for the kids. They have their cousins with them since Wednesday. There are the usual laughters, tears and tantrums.Amal left her two younger kids with us while having a jolly good time in Bandung.I am glad that I am not a kindergarten teacher....I would not have been good one. I for one do not have the patience and maybe the qualities of a good teacher. I am just a tired mother and maybe a lazy one too...my children do not have the luxury of a mother who sits and listens to them patiently, while coming up with wonderful games. I am more of mother who tries her best to listen to her kids while trying to hard to juggle her time with cooking, some light reading, cleaning, bagi adik tidur...I have said this to hubby that I don't like the person that I have become...I seem to membebel banyak, especially with kakak...asking her to pick her things, reminding her to do her homework, buat revision, hafal sifir, simpan her books and stationary, both the girls for messing the parent's room, reminding hubby to cut down on the smoking...in fact been asking him to stop smoking....blah, blah...the list will go on. Although most of the household chores Bibik yang buat tapi rasanya the kids bila I balik rumah aje, semuanya nak my attention. Lepas dinner, its sleeping time for adik...so my sleeping hours pun ikut anak. Kalau bawak balik kerja, I can only attend to it after the kids dah tidur. Last week, I had something urgent to speak to hubby and get his advice on an important matter, terpaksalah pi jumpa kat kedai mamak lepas kerja. Hmm, sampai tahap tu, cos the children will not give us space to speak. I am not complaining, just trying hard not to lose my grips.

Winds of change...

Even though I am not well today, in fact I took EL and continued sleeping after breakfast till late noon, hubby took me to the HP clearance sale....tapi was quite disappointed cos the Mini HP the one was eyeing for was sold out. Hmm, what a disappointment....after all the pusing-pusing that we did....we couldnt locate the place at first and imagine this, mencari the place after office hours...cari parking space. Kesian kat hubby. We had to do a few u-turns. Hubby didnt want me to feel sad for long, so he took me to Digital Mall, pusing-pusing tengok computers...I got myself a mini note book. I already have my Dell, tapi its more convenient to have a mini note book. Senang nak bawa ke ofis. Lagipun Athira and Adik bolehlah guna mama's pc....asyik guna ayah's. I hope to have more postings since I am able to log on anytime tak payah tunggu balik ke rumah.

Oh, I have changed the design/layout(?)....again. Sorry Syu, bukan tak appreciate all your hard work. Somehow, I rasa gambar masa kecik tu doesnt clicked. At the moment, my profile ada lagi the second photo...I kena tukar nanti. Nak kena ambik gambar baru, maybe letak gambar the kids with me eh. Tapi habis links ke blogs yang Syu buat tu. Nanti I kena tanya Syu macam mana nak buat link. Bukan cerdik sangat.

On the point about changes, am sensing a wind of change in my career at the moment...boss gave me tinkle the other day, katanye due for promotion. Tak tau lah, kalau ada..alhamdullilah. Amin. Tapi risau pulak tak tau ke mana pulak. Am quite happy with where I am at the moment actually. Minus the staff problems...things are rather fine. It has a combination of court work, admin, public service and office management. The best part is I am given the responsibility of heading a branch office. That to me is quite a big deal. Lets just see where the wind will be blowing now...

Lets have some rainbows

Yesterday was one of those days where I was feeling pretty low with myself and the whole world. Waked up feeling kinda of empty and sad....couldn't pinned it down to any specific...but there were clouds of grey skies over the head. I missed having good friends around me to share my problems.... and it a started when I was on the phone with Azu last Friday, she called me up after our last conversation, which was months ago and not often...Azu is one of my closes friends from the Uni, she was eager to gossip about another friend of us....this particular was not close to us and has quite a character....Azu had to speak to someone whom understood our "history.......", we reminisced about the good old times.

I guess that feeling of a missing link continued to yesterday, asked hubby innocently about men and their best mates...whether men are close to their friends as women are and whether they need them. His answers was as expected....nay. Well, I for one missed having a good chit chats with my girlfriends, the occasional gossips, the sharing of problems or just being yourself, yunno feeling comfortable in your own skins with them....there are no rivalries, no tantrums, no jealousies, just being happy with their achievements, sharing our children's ups and downs, pouring about being stress at work, not being embarrass in sharing with them stories that shows that you are not a prefect wife or mother....and knowing that they wont be passing judgements on you.....NOW, that what friends are for.

I need to get out of this EMO situation, get a grip of life...and do a reality check. With the stress at work, the amount of time you spend at work, balancing and managing quality time (?)with the family. I am sure that my friends are also struggling with this balancing acts. There is no time in feeling sorry with yourself. Have to snap out from this nasty grey clouds.....I just have to put more effort in making sure I have some ME time and that includes being with ones you love. Lets have some rainbows.

I hate my hats...

Am torn between two matters at the moment. Without giving too much detail, I was invited to give a talk at a dinner of my former Alma mater for the graduating batch....the problem is I have taken leave....we are suppose to go back to Taiping for hubby's land matters. It would be very selfish of me to postpone the trip to another day but you don't get this sort of opportunity knocking on your doors all the time. HELP, should I be a good and reasonable wife OR be in a position to give some aspiration to some eager beavers....I hate my different hats at the moment.

I have trained you well, Encik Zubir

I read Aisyah's blog yesterday, she at the early phase of marriage hood. Tengah sedap memasak for hubby. Well, Aisyah , my sweet niece, let Cippa give you some tips untuk make cooking more enjoyable.....teach hubby how to cook.

Well, Cippa enjoys cooking, tapi kalau duduk dapur sorang-sorang boring jugak, so masa early stage of marriage, I made it an effort to invite pakcik zubir join sekali masak...so kat dapur he will help with the cuttings and the stirring. Sampai sekarang pun, kalau dia balik awal and dinner belum ready, he will join me in the kitchen for the usual chit chat and masak-masak. I have this habit of washing up while cooking, so it makes sense to have him in the kitchen. Ada extra pair of hands untuk mengacau (stirring la, not disturb) lauk.

Bila dah lama tengok Cippa masak, pakcik Zubir pun dah boleh lah masak sendiri. I think he enjoys cooking too, but bear with the noise and the mess...he cooks like a mamak goreng mee, ketuk-ketuk kuali punya...tapi okay la tu, I can now rely on him to cook simple dishes ...so, if I am not well, ada period pains, fening kepala ..he will cook for the kids. Bibik can cook for the kids too, tapi not for hubby...he rarely eats food cook by Bibik and wants me to cook for him. Am grateful for that, that shows that he appreciates and enjoys my food....air tangan Cippa kan, nanti sedap air tangan Bibik pulak! Aiyo yo yo!

Anyway, semalam masa I tengah masak ikan goreng masak asam, while talking to him...I said, kena masuk gula sikit..then he said "untuk caramelised ". Wah, so I said to him " I have trained you well, Encik Zubir".

So, the Aisyah the morale of the story is let him help you with the cooking, used this to your advantage, trust me, you will need it ...