Last week,I nearly blew my top....while delivering my "kekecewaan" during a monthly meeting, I could actually hear my voice was trembling a bit against the silence of the whole office.Now I know macam mana rasa jadi boss, the sense of dissapointment was so great...I felt so let down by them.I felt so sad that my officers and staff let me down by not performing to their level best.I felt and knew that they could do better...but the dissapointment of facing the truth was much more greater.It was a bitter pill to swallow.
Sekarang, baru I realised I should have been more "sensitive" to my bosses bila dibuat teguran.They only had the interest of the organisation at heart.I dont know whether being a daughter of Pak Wan,the expectation of being a good leader is much more higher. Pak was such a good boss,leader and manager. I have heard and read great things about him.His former officers would always say that although he was very tegas but he was also a fair boss.He had the welfare of the staff in his heart.My heart would bloomed with pride bila dengar cerita about his execellent leadership.If I have a quarter of his leadership qualities, I would be very, very grateful and blessed.
Now that I am facing numerous problems with my officers and staff,I feel quite suffocated with the whole situation. I questioned myself regularly...can I face them with full determination or will I backed down with fear....Its quite a struggle to balance everything. I dont want to be a popular boss, I want to respected for having good qualities as a person not as a boss. At times, I am so burdened with the whole situation....I feel like screaming.....infact on one occasion I nearly did.The next best thing was to talk to my other half so I smsed hubby...telling him about it...and waited patiently for zuhor prayers so that I could calm down.....
Well, I am away from the office for 4 days....I hope there would be some changes after the last meeting...I hope I have drilled in some sense of awakening in their performance....lets hope so....
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