HOPES...

In about two hours and 12 minutes,we will be leaving and bidding good bye to year 2009 and saying hello to year 2010. What are my thoughts on year 2009...it has been a mixed one..on a personal note there were happiness with a bit of sadness.Career wise, it has been a roller coaster ride...ups and downs.There were many times when I questioned myself on the path that I am on....well,there is nothing that I can do on this..in fact everything is fated.So, besides giving myself some self motivation push,letting myself the occasional self pity and burying in periodic sadness...Things were moving at a quicker pace.I can safely say that 2009 have left me quite exhausted and low.I need to catch my breath.

On that note,I need some new year resolutions.I have never been a stickler to resolutions..I cant recall sticking to resolutions with any enthusiasm...so, one of my resolutions is to keep to my resolutions. Its no rocket science that getting myself in a better shape, health wise would definitely be on the top three of my list. I also hope to be more tolerant with situations that are beyond my control, to speak less and speak only when spoken to,spent more quality time with the kids and hubby, be less critical and strike the right balance between career and family. On a final note, not to be too apologetic for being ME.
So, Assalamualaikum to 2010..may Allah swt bless all of us with more happiness,success and good health.Amin.

" COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS,NOT YOUR PROBLEMS "

Am trying hard...

Am at home. The clock shows-3.32pm.Am waiting for hubby.We are supposed to be on a holiday...hmm, he was called back to work...nak kena jumpa CFO, something urgent yang tak boleh ditunggu, so I masak lunch,we were supposed to jalan-jalan...makan kat luar...lauk dah masak tapi hati tak rasa nak makan..bukan perut tapi hati pulak.The kids are in my room, making a mess of the room...I tell them once, tell them hundreds of time...they will not listen to me...I have given up...so the room will be in a mess...what's new.Yesterday's lunch with Uni friends did not materialise..it just not meant to be..so grey skies appears to be here to stay...never mind, trying hard to shake this away..so, I had a marathon session of Grey's Anatomy..did it help?...naaa..should I just sleep it away...naaaa...to be honest, brought back some stuff from office..in fact a bagful...but I just cant put my head and heart into it.I should have taken up Azu's offer for lunch today but I thought of spending time with hubby and kids..one can only plan and plan..

With all the gadgets and communications via hp, emails, FBs...we have sacrifice our privacy to a certain extent.I was reminded by my bosses during meetings...answer your calls..jawab smses...jangan switch off the phones...walaupun malam, jawab telefon. Well, I tak pakai phone office..it's my own phone and my personal line...but why cant we just switch off the phones..hmm, since Monday, I have been receiving messages from office..layan those messages.. tak sampai hati, takut ada benda penting..or maybe because ada moral obligations...macam Zubir...so, hati isteri and anak-anak diketepikan seketika untuk selesaikan kerja di pejabat.Is it fair? Well grow up! It's not about fairness, it's not about caring less, it's not about being selfish...it's just life.The bottom line and the cold hard truth is..when life gives you lemon..make a lemonade.No self help books..motivational tapes...words of wisdom can make any changes. It just you. You make the changes!Sadly,it's just ME!

"THERE IS A REASON FOR EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS.."

Grey skies and cloudy...

Have been walking with some grey clouds on my head for the past one week. There is something just not quite right and I can't point my finger on it...well, to be honest, I think I know what is contributing to it...anxiety, fear and a bit of self doubt.

Weekend was filled the usual family obligations.. watching movie with kids, a bit of shopping..makan-makan with the kids and Zahier's kenduri. Am looking forward to a lunch date with some close friends from the Uni tomorrow. Hoping for some sunshine tomorrow.

" DO SMALL THINGS IN A GREAT WAY "

Sigh!

Am not in the mood to write. Not in the mood to read. Not in the mood to make small conversations. Not in the mood to socialise. Not in the mood be anywhere except lying on my bed and SLEEP.Fed up...with some people at the moment except my FAMILY of course.HELP....feeling so lousy...need something to boost my mood..

Warm thoughts

Tonight I brought along hubby to watch Natrah the theatre. Amal was with us also. The night started on on a wrong footing. Amal's pouch kena ambik oleh orang yang tak berhati perut. In the pouch ada camera and the tickets. To be honest, I was not worried about not watching the show, tapi more concerned about the camera . I am very certain, it means the world to her, mesti ada gambar of her kids. Memories captured.... The camera was hung on the toilet door, she stepped out sekejap aje, she was doing a self check loudly, ....the keys was with me...checked,...bila I kata what about the tickets, baru sedar, tickets ada dalam pouch sama dengan camera. But it was too late. Dah diambil orang. Tuhan tu, Maha Pengasih, mujur Amal found the printouts of the ticket bookings that she had thrown into the bin. En. Firdaus, orang IB, tolong double check dengan counter tickets and we got to go in walaupun dah last minute. It had spolit the mood for Amal. I felt bad and guilty.Tak berkat orang yang curi camera tu, I hope Amal will get some good news tomorrow from En. Firdaus. Insyallah.

On a brighter note, dragged hubby to queue with me, mujur I beli dua buku programme, actually one was for Amal, but she had bought one for herself earlier. He became our photographer. And he took autographs for Athira. Kali ni, I was more sensible, no giggling like a school girl. I congratulated the cast, took photos and left. Athira had two dedicated autographs from Umie Aida and Remy. Remy jotted "Study hard ya :)". From Maya, hubby got "Dear Abg. Zubir"...amboi! Balik rumah, kakak is still awake...she waited for us. Bila I tunjuk the authographs especially from Remy...she was thrilled.

We enjoyed Natrah, infact Amal and I stood up to applause them, sayang sekali tak ada standing ovations....since this is my second show, I noticed there was an additional scene to the ending. The scene Maria /Natrah walked towards the church pun ada additional dialouge....kalau tak silap dulu tak ada dialogue beristighfar and mengucap syahadah. If I overlooked dulu, minta maaf.
To my darling hubby, thank you for being so supportive. This time I managed to have a sensible conversation with Remy. Tak payahlah I mentioned apa yang dicakap. Just some words of encouragement. But dear hubby did say this to Remy bila dia minta autograph untuk Athira "ni semua penangan Nur Kasih". It was replied with a laugh.

To Amal, sorry for the unfortunate episode..
To Atif and friends...nanti kita makan kambing again ye..
To Kak chik, you are most welcome, we will gladly do it again and again. It was our pleasure... Insyallah the Omarians will stick together ..and I think Pak would have been proud of his children.

Hello..

Tonight I succumbed to the Facebook craze. Sha insisted I buka an account and practically helped me via sms. Anyway, Zubir and I had a great time laughing at the old photos yang Sha posted on her account...nampak so baik-baik. Tak sangka I was the only one who found her soul mate sama batch. Am still struggling with the messaging part and I think, I accidentally invited everyone on my email list. What can I say...hello!

Just a bit off...

Sorry. Bukan sengaja. Meeting tadi dari pukul 2.30 ptg....jam tunjuk 6.40 ptg..tapi meeting belum habis lagi. Kepala dah melayang-layang. I baru realised the presenter suara dia macam RI. Smsed Amal. Hahaha. Suara aje sama, muka tak sama. Hahahaha.Am I hallucinating..or just tired. To Kak Chik, sorry, I think your sister is still sane and sensible. Just a bit off the tangent.

Definitely....

I told myself not to complaint...but I just could not resist it...meetings meleret-leret....not once, not twice or thrice but an on going thing...maybe it's a working culture of this M...or maybe the chairman is just bad at time management. Maybe it's all the above. Substance lost in translations. Lost in the midst of "leteran". Just lost. Imagine dari satu masa solat (sempat dibuat), terlepas another waktu solat and nak masuk another waktu solat.. Kalau nasib tak baik...sambung lagi. Orang kata mati kutu...hmm, bukan mati kutu aje, kaki dah kebas...poor blood circulation, the head thumping..perut dah lapar...concentration dah pi kemana-mana. Kerja bertimbun menunggu kat meja. Going through the motion aje. Insensitive. Maybe. Ignorance. Maybe. Not productive. Maybe. Or maybe just plain inconsiderate. Definitely.

To kak chik...if only you knew

I read Kak Chik's posting on Natrah, I could not post my comments for some technical reasons...take boleh nak bukak, but this is what I have to say :

Dearest kak chik, if only you knew how difficult it was to handle a case involving the akidah. It doesn't matter if it was just a small child..who is legally is not a muslim yet but has been raised since a baby as a Muslim. In your eyes, the child is already a muslim. Knowing the outcome of the child's faith and fate lies to a certain degree on your arguments. You worry about your own syahadah as a muslim. Ya Allah..tak sanggup nak dibawa.The sleepless nights..the doas and prayers, if only you knew.Natrah the theatre was too close for comfort for me. It brought back some hidden feelings and fears..if only you knew.

You..Adam Hassan I....

I am posting this with a certain feeling of excitement. There is still a sense of euphoria in me.Just came back from watching Natrah.I went with kak chik and syikin.We didnt seat together.Anyway, the main thing is that I dapat tengok Remy and hear him sing. Boleh tahan suaranya. He can sing well.Apa-apa pun, I was trying to capture every moment in my memory drive...
I would not go into details about Natrah,but I will share some moments of lapse of wisdom on my part.The scenario takes place from the office. I was so eager that I would be on time to IB, that my second meeting in the afternoon ended abruptly...by me actually, I told the Chairman, in a serious tone and manner that I will peruse the draft agreement and will give my input later....I was not lying actually, cos the other side's lawyers baru bagi a new set of drafts....hehehehe.
So, I was at IB by 6pm. Terjumpa these 2 girls, Farah and her friend. Both diehard fans of Remy Ishak. Strucked a conversation with them while watching the rehearsel video of Natrah on the tv screen. They were waiting patiently to catch a glimpse of Remy Ishak. Wished them luck, left for dinner at the cafe...some how, terjumpa balik sekali lagi, they accompanied me while I waited patiently for kak chik & Syikin. Masa tergelak duk bercerita about our crush on Remy..I took out my card and gave to Farah...I said to her "kalau buat fan club untuk Remy, jangan lupa kakak"...Farah squealed...Puan, LA ya, sorry panggil puan kakak tadi...I said no harm..its a small world..lepa ni junior officers I...tapi tak pernah berjumpa sebelum ni. Anyway, my lack of wisdom continues bila I told kak chick I nak queue ambik autograph...terjumpa farah again, so queue with them, mintak tolong kawan farah ambik gambar of me and Remy nanti...Maya Karin was sweet and pretty. I got her authograph..lepas tu bila turn dengan Remy...I was star strucked...tengok mata ada mascara, mata ada eyeliner..walaupun its expected for actors especially after a performance to be still in their make up...but I was distracted...so distracted and star strucked that I could not manage to give salam or bersalam with him...the best part is that I boleh buat small talk with Maya Karin, infact I apologised to her for being excited about meeting Remy...and I all I could say to him...was....." you Adam Hassan..I...". The whole thing went by so quickly, I sempat ambil one photo with Remy...courtesy of Farah's friend...I tak realised that I ada ambil one shot of him with my handphone from a distance, while queing..(I teringat while driving back, so check it out while driving...told you, I was not WISE)...ralat, tak bawak camera, ralat tak guna my handphone untuk ambil a better photo of him.....ralat ambik satu aje..tu pun side profile...geram, geram. Ralat...tak bercakap dengan Remy...instead of " you Adam Hassan...I". Tapi, Remy memang charming and handsome....asyik senyum aje...and polite too...maybe, dalam kepala dia, layan aje kakak ni....I hope Farah will email the photo soon as promised. Ni, the clock dah tunjuk 1.45am, am still awake....still reliving the moments in my mind...maybe sebelum tidur tengok Nur Kasih balik..heheh...kena beristighfar banyak-banyak......must come back to reality....kena ingat kat hubby yang tengah berdengkur kat sebelah ni.....

Acceptance

Lesson 101 in Marriage.Acceptance.Wife engrossed in reruns of Nur Kasih.Husband plays with games on the phone.Wife tries not to complaint too much,hubby is still playing with games.Wife in bliss...hubby trying hard to accept wife's eccentricity...Acceptance.

Que sera sera

To tell the truth, came back today, with a bad headache..rasa macam nak muntah.Rasa berat kat neck..tapi too tired to sleep..so checked out the blogs that I am following.It was refreshing to read some of the stuff..to Kak Chick, the obsession will go away, although I must say that I have placed an order for the DVD...hahaha.Am looking forward to watch Natrah with you and Syikin on friday nite...lets hope, tak ada something urgent at work...am dreading that..but you will never know, my office is quite a mad house...on another note,disappointed that Amal tak dapat tiket. Ralat.
Back to the headache, had a conversation with hubby on monday, I asked whether its too late to change career at the stage in life...hubby bluntly answered that "its too late". I was just saying it aloud what was disturbing my mind lately...on a good day, I enjoy my work, infact the challenges are something that I look forward for, you gain more knowledge and experience...but there ups and downs.Its the downside of things that makes you miserable, especially things that are beyond your control.And the lack of human decency in all aspect....so, memandangkan dah terlewat nak tukar career...kena redha aje la.On this aspect, a friend of mine said this to me yesterday..."I empathise and sympathise with you, I have gone through it..you just have to survive through this...".True, others have suffered and gone through much more horrible things...be it with career, family or just life basically...so, Que sera, sera..stop whining.Pull up the socks..take a panadol, the headache will go away...maybe I will feel better with a dose of rerun of Nur Kasih....heheheh.