Adik tengok kartun....,

Am on my bed at the moment,was trying hard to sleep cos masih demam but couldnt of course...adik watched a barbie movie, minta air sirap and macam-macam lagi.The other half enjoyed his evening siesta, hmm...jealous jugak.So,went down to cook fish curry for dinner...fried mee maggie for adik (I know its not good for her),naik balik ke bilik, baru nak rest balik, adik nak mandi pulak, nak mandi dulu sebelum makan...lepas dia complaint pulak "adik tak sihat".I think she was telling the truth cos I caught my flu from the office and since adik mesti tidur berkepit, mesti dah berjangkit.So, ayah bawak dia turun pulak...ayah dah bangun untuk his asar prayer...nak bagi adik panadol.

Although I couldnt rest today, I am feeling much better than yesterday.Semalam,I was on public service duty at Central Market....letih jugak, infact I came much earlier than my staff and set the booth by myself.Although the respond was just moderate but it was quite an eye opener,seronok jugak tengok kerenah orang...macam-macam gaya ada kat CM.I dapat jugak bersembang dengan a person by the name of Pak Shuib...interesting personality.I need to be aware of what is happening around me.Ada jugak yang datang ke booth tu tanya about non-legal matters but it was okay, dapat lah jugak bercakap dengan pelbagai jenis orang.Throughout the whole day I was there, my head was pounding hard,my mouth was dry, asyik minum air aje...of course I was sniffling anhd sneezing...my eyes were watery, I gueesed I was not a pretty sight for the public. But I am proud of myself for not giving up...infact I didnt take a lunch break but gave my officers time off for lunch...hmm, they took their sweet time of course but brought back a loaf of sweet bread...(a big loaf), didnt feel much like eating, tapi makan jugak sikit cos takut masuk angin. Lepas tu, jumpa some I know, hmm my former student, he now a lecturer at Law Faculty...offered him some bread and assam, tanya about UiTM...gossip a bit...it was nice to go down the memory lane, even though for a short while..

Anyway, bila balik rumah, couldnt sleep, the head was pounding, mak was at home with me, so tak boleh lah terus tidur.Dinner lauk yang dipanaskan from lunch..ayah bought macam-macam lauk for lunch, penuh meja...I had only a mug of hot milo with 2 pieces of bread,cakap-cakap sikit with mum, lepas tu makan ubat and TIDUR.

This morning,as usual adik got up very early, she had the tv on, cartoons can be quite irritating in the wee hours of the morning....4 am to be precised.It was losing battle to continue sleeping....so bangun awal cos adik tengok kartun.

I am listening...

This is not my new year's resolution...it just plain sense and me trying to be a better person and mum. I am trying to listen better. Why listening eh? Well, I feel that there is "sense" of hearing but not listening when it comes to my eldest daughter.Kesian kat kakak, she talks more to her ayah, cos he is her best buddy....bila dia nak bercakap or bercerita with mama, adik selalu kacau, adik will interrupt as I am listening to her sister with her own stories.So, poor kakak. So, now onwards, I would not allow words to be just words, I want it to be a communication.I want to listen more.

Now, how I wish this applies to the people around me too.At the office, I still have problem with certain people...minta buat research dah lebih 2 minggu...tapi tak sampai pun to my table...hmm, tak kan tak faham apa I cakap....my instinct says to do it myself....ya, memang that's my work attitude pun , just do it yourself if you want fast results, tapi ni susah sikit, I know nuts about Islamic law, so I have asked my syariah officer untuk buat kerja sikit....hmmm, it would take a lot of time for me to do my own research on a particular matter and time is definitely against it...nak prepare submission on a subject that needs fast understanding and in depth knowledge is beyond me at this point.

So, back to my desire to listen more to my closest and dearest, I hope they feel the same.Mak is with me at the moment. Was told by my sisters that she is suffering from depression....on that note, she seems to be disturbed with the notion that all her jewelleries hilang kat Alor Setar, about how valuable things tak boleh disimpan kat sana. She is also is upset about certain things and keep on repeating about it...my thoughts on this, is that all these are making her feeling depressed.It is sad to note that she wakes up in the morning with all "these complications" and its a rerun scenario of her life everyday.Everyday.

I am listening.....

What a weekend.....

Hmm,what a weekend it was....we went to Cherating for a family gathering...we were the first to arrived at kak dah's place in kuantan...yang lain tak sampai lagi walaupun we took the wrong route..Kak Dah served us nasi lemak with ayam goreng and rendang daging..sedap...Zubir dengan tak rasa malu kata he will continue makan nanti bila the rest sampai...besides nasi lemak, we had lepat pisang and mandarin oranges..kenyang jugak lah. Anyway, tunggu punya tunggu,the rest came in batches,amal and kids, Tizah with her family,abang dengan kak zai, baru lah kak chick sampai dengan abang chick....during that waiting period,zubir and I sempat tidur...letih punya pasal.Oh ya,sempat jugak pi beli pisang goreng...hajat nak makan satar tapi tak jumpa...so makan goreng pisang aje with karipap..boleh lah tu....

We took off to Cherating, sampai dah maghrib...the kids were so eager to play with the sand, semua lari main kat pantai....tengah nak gelap tu boleh main pasir...I was quite worried jugak...I teringat orang tua-tua kata, tak elok main kat luar masa waktu maghrib...especially kat pantai pulak tu, lagilah double the paranoid.

I couldnt relax and let my hair down (literally of course)since I had to be back in KL the next day....rasa tak syok kena kerja on a sunday,especially this particular sunday.Terpaksa supervise a booth...dont ask untuk apa, Zubir pun was quite dissapointed cos dia ingatkan boleh rest and jalan-jalan kat cherating...well,let me say this, if I tak balik ke KL on sunday, it would appear that I was taking advantage of my officers,both of them had to sacrife their weekend too, it would be most unappropriate for the boss to go AWOL...thats not my style.

Anyway, malam tu, we have some slides show of the Aisyah's wedding....then the karoake session...I sat beside mak on the bed,she was saying its not apporiate to sing, ada orang nak solat (no one was praying at that time)...she was quietly dok mengucap and berisghtifar...hmm,I pun terpaksa tengok aje...lepas the rest lepas gian menyanyi...it was off to dinner....now dinner was kinda of late...about 10+pm...budak-budak dah mengantuk,I pun dah letih, nyamuk pun sedap dok menghisap darah...so lepas makan nasi goreng and ikan bakar,tak sempat makan yang lain, I balik ke bilik with Kak Mah, Tizah and my kids...ingatkan boleh tidur...hemm, ada session tangkap lipas pulak...before dinner we had some screaming session with flying lipas...and Kak Mah peed in her pants....heheheh.

So, the next day,I woke adik from her sleep so that she can play on the beach before we head back to KL...so, kakak and adik dapat lah main-main sikit on the beach although they couldnt mandi...the waters tak berapa sesuai untuk mandi. The beach pun bukan landai,it was quite beralun, didnt feel too comfortable about it...

Anyway,all of us dapat some goodies from kak Chick....the sisters dapat beg...cantik in three different shades, the kids dapat pouch with sequinned hairbands....my kids seronok melaram.Kak Dah pun ada bagi goodie bags before we left for Cherating...filled with keropok and buah mandarin oranges.

Back at home,I had a small makan-makan, tahlil and doa selamat on Kak Chick's suggestion on Monday.Was not too happy with the choices of food, could have done a lot better kalau I had more time. Kalau ada masa and if it was not a long holiday due to CNY, I would have catered the makan-makan with something much more heavier.Well, there will be other occasions or excuses to makan-makan.Anyway Kak and family couldnt made it to my place...Syu had an operation and baru discharged that afternoon....so the mood was just not perfect without them.

Year 2009, changes & surprise me, Syu...

A lot has happened since the last jottings.....the renovations are nearly 95% completed.Kakak is back to school....Adik has a new haircut which is quite pixie looking. She calls herself Farhana, after her cousin...not realising that we were referring her as Rihanna as in..."umbrella....ella..".

Anyway,I am looking forward to a better year in 2009...year 2008 was quite eventful, there were some dramas at office...heheheh...I am learning new things at my new office, well, not so quite new la, have been here since September 2008...People factor is quite a major part in my life at the moment. Banyak problems at work with certain staff and officer...tapi kerja mana yang senang. I guess you have to be thankful with what you have...I have learnt that kita tak boleh sangat berlembut, cos they are going to step on you head so, I am going to be a little bit tegas but at the same time approachable.....hmm, boleh ke?

Am making some changes at home....will try to be a better mum by listening more to my kids especially kakak....like they say, you are hearing but not listening. Well, its quite difficult to do so since both nak bercakap at the same time...adik will not give way to kakak and kakak will get upset....mum, will eventually get upset and irritated with the whole scenario bila ada yang menangis pasal bergaduh-gaduh....kadang-kadang nak bercakap with ayah pun susah...kita nak bercakap they will interupt...and ayah bila dah baca newspaper, susah pulak nak dengar....aaahh..sometimes I will say ridiculous things like....the cow jump over the fence, or dinding kata jom pi " just to see whether the ayah is listening....somehow macam mana tak tahu lah, he will always repeat what I have said...together with the silly stuff that I have said earlier....hmm, tajam jugak his hearing. Although I can say the same about his eyesight, baca paper...tu sedepa depan mata....hmm, tapi tak mau check his visions....

Since I am making some changes in work, lifestyle, etc....my blog pun kena la revamp sikit. I have asked Syu to do her wonders.....full trust on her judgements...but just to be on the safe side, I want to retain purple as my background with whites...I have asked her to create somethings that screams ME.....but not too obvious of course. I want it to be sweet....ada bunga-bunga sikit...something soothing, something that reflect my personality,hmnn wonder whether that is possible....hehehe, banyak pulak syarat....oh ya, the title should remain...tapi kena pilih font yang lebih attractive.....I came up with picture of cupcake which has the features of alien...cos during meetings dulu, bila dapat cupcakes, kalau I dapat something yang looks odd or cute, I will take a pic...hehehe....meetings can be so BORING.So, Syu..do your magic..surprise me eh!

Bila nak siap?!....

My house have been under "seized" by the contractors for the last one and half months....the initial agremeent was '40 working days'by then renovations akan siap, well I may be poor with my maths but I can still count. My counts went on more than 5 times on my hands, it has definitely exceeded the 40 days period....the house is only 80% completed...thats alot you may say....tapi banyak lagi kerja lain yang tak siap lagi, macam to my dismay...my kitchen is still in a mess.The quotation pun berubah dua kali, hmm,asyik naik aje...argh...argh!I snapped at my contractor bila he said.."kak pintu cabinet dapur, kita baru tempah, ambil masa 2 atau tiga minggu nak siap, pintu bilik air pun sama, kena tempah ikut saiz....almari cabinet yang sedia ada tak boleh pindah lagi, tunggu pasang cabinet baru dulu....dalam pertengahan bulan Januari baru siap cabinet".....Well, that was the last straw that broke the camel's back...apa lagi, I pun berleter sikit and voiced out my frustration....and naik ke bilik cos tak boleh tengok muka dia.Tapi, the good side of me, smsed him later in the evening...minta maaf cos "mood kakak kurang sikit"..

Kerja-kerja renovation ni memang rimas....the noise tu quite bearable jugak walaupun loud...adik selalu menjerit kat the pekerja sambil cekak pinggang..."DIAM, DIAM, jangan bising la adik tak suka!"...hehe...cute adik.Tapi yang tak tahan is the endless habuk....as you know, kakak and I ada asthma....it was very difficult to avoid from getting an asthma attack with all the habuks....kesian, tengok kakak...took the kids to see their pediatrician for some measure of precautions...dapat ubat untuk satu bulan...hmm....as I said earlier, dah terlebih sebulan......ubat dah habis makan.

Hubby was (still is) very helpful, nearly every night dia mop rumah...kadang-kadang kesian jugak, especially time tengah sibuk dengan kenduri kahwin aisyah, balik malam pun, dia mop jugak rumah. Masa tu, rumah lagi teruk...penuh dengan concrete yang pecah dalam rumah...nak masuk, kena jalan area living room yang ada concrete debris....Bila hubby and I tak boleh bercuti, hantar the kids to rumah Wa, at least kat rumah Wa, budak-budak rasa lega tak ada habuk and debris dalam rumah.We are grateful to Wa and Syahira dapat jaga the kids...adik suka sangat pi rumah Wa...kadang-kadang dia ajak pi rumah Wa during the weekends...I have to divert her attention by bawa dia jalan-jalan ke tempat lain...ya lah tak kan nak kacau Wa during the weekends pulak.

Anyway, back to the renovations, banyak lagi yang nak di siap, rimas bila kichen tak siap completely....we have been spending a lot on makan-makan kat luar...budak-budak tu pulak memiih nak makan macam-macam.I missed cooking....baru semalam, dapat buat fried rice...rasa lega dah dapat masak. Itu pun lepas they have installed the new sink, sink yang lama, masih belum dibuka, tak boleh pakai....kalau pakai sikit, air tersumbat cos ada residues of simen and pasir....hmm, the workers guna sink tu untuk basuh tangan, peralatan kerja...bla, bla, tu yang tersumbat. Ada a big baldi kat bawah sink untuk air tersumbat yang asyik menitik slowly....hmm, bila ada proper running water, baru la boleh buat kerja , kalau tak geli ....I hope they would remove the old sink soon...buka and buang aje...rimas and sakit mata tengok. Am trying so had not to stress myself...as it is, I dah demam tiga kali during this whole period.... Kak bought for me some herbal colon detox, although I dont have any control over my bowels during the detoxing period, but atleast I dont have any surprises.Like I always say, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade....

One has left the nest......

Alhamdulillah everthing went well last weekend. Siti Aisyah will now tick the Madam column instead of Miss.She has now entered the statistic figures for married women. I dont know whether she had the wedding of her dreams,but I hope she was not dissapointed with the whole wedding do.

I guess every little girls have dreamt of their wedding as early as the kahwin olok-olok scene. I dont remember having any specific dreams of how my wedding would be....infact, I dont remember any fuss was made by anyone...sobs!sobs! ....all I could really remember was that it was so difficult to cari the right wedding bed. I remembered pi window shopping dengan pak, mak and kak mah (masa tu, Pak tak berapa sihat....felt very bad Pak was dragged along)... punya la susah nak cari the right bed within the budget. At last kak mah yang jumpa(?) my katil..., kak mah did my kain cadar and langsir from scratch...I didnt pick the colours....it was picked for me....I basically didnt have say in the wedding ....hmm....nevertheless I am grateful with what I had.

Well, I am just glad that the whole shebang of organising a wedding is over....as Tam had said,one down and 32 more to go...hmm, the next wedding by the way is just around the corner, 6 months to be precised....hmmm. So it will be back to the drawing block and the organiser's clips...tapi tak apa, thats what family are for...to help each other...lebih ramai lagi seronok.Maybe the next wedding akan jadi lebih senang.

I received a thank you sms from the mother of the bride...it was a heartfelt thank you from kak chick....she thanked everyone in a very personal touch...it was very sweet. I hope that she is back to "normal" now....I hope the whole wedding scenario was a sweet memory for her....marrying off your first girl must have been a combination of relief and yet quite sad, Aisya is no longer hak mutlak the parents, sekarang dah tukar geran kat Ali....aisya priorty would be a wife first....

So, one has left the nest...thirty two to go....hmmmm

Hoping for the best.......

Last week,I nearly blew my top....while delivering my "kekecewaan" during a monthly meeting, I could actually hear my voice was trembling a bit against the silence of the whole office.Now I know macam mana rasa jadi boss, the sense of dissapointment was so great...I felt so let down by them.I felt so sad that my officers and staff let me down by not performing to their level best.I felt and knew that they could do better...but the dissapointment of facing the truth was much more greater.It was a bitter pill to swallow.

Sekarang, baru I realised I should have been more "sensitive" to my bosses bila dibuat teguran.They only had the interest of the organisation at heart.I dont know whether being a daughter of Pak Wan,the expectation of being a good leader is much more higher. Pak was such a good boss,leader and manager. I have heard and read great things about him.His former officers would always say that although he was very tegas but he was also a fair boss.He had the welfare of the staff in his heart.My heart would bloomed with pride bila dengar cerita about his execellent leadership.If I have a quarter of his leadership qualities, I would be very, very grateful and blessed.

Now that I am facing numerous problems with my officers and staff,I feel quite suffocated with the whole situation. I questioned myself regularly...can I face them with full determination or will I backed down with fear....Its quite a struggle to balance everything. I dont want to be a popular boss, I want to respected for having good qualities as a person not as a boss. At times, I am so burdened with the whole situation....I feel like screaming.....infact on one occasion I nearly did.The next best thing was to talk to my other half so I smsed hubby...telling him about it...and waited patiently for zuhor prayers so that I could calm down.....

Well, I am away from the office for 4 days....I hope there would be some changes after the last meeting...I hope I have drilled in some sense of awakening in their performance....lets hope so....