Sunday, June 21, 2009

With warm thoughts and memories

I make it a point to have father's day lunch with hubby and his girls. But this year plan tukar sikit.We had makan-makan kat rumah untuk bincang the preparation untuk abang's eldest daughter wedding and Father's Day celebration combined.
I don't have much memory of celebrating Father's Day with arwah Pak.Sadly, bila Pak dah tak ada, baru rasa ruginya tak celebrate father's day with him.
There are nine of us.I am the second youngest in the family.Pak and mak has two sons and seven daughters.It does not matter whether we had equal time with them. I am sure, we each have special memories of Pak. Mine was aplenty. Nevertheless, my last conversation that I had with him is still fresh in my memory.It was a day before he passed away.It was before subuh, I had a weird dream, I dreamt that Pak passed away but mum managed to revived him by massaging him. I woke up immediately,sat at the edge of the bad, told hubby and called him up immediately. He was already awake.I asked about his health, he said, he was not feeling too well, and tanya bila I nak balik to visit him. I promised him that I will balik "this weekend".Little that I knew,it was my last conversation with him.
I have so many warm memories of Pak,so many that it would be difficult and painful to mention all of them.I always felt I was closer to Pak then Mak.Even though Pak was strict nevertheless, I never felt that I could not go to him if I have any problem.It was Pak to gave me "the talk about akil baligh".I remember sitting on the bed, listening to him explaining about period.Surprisingly, I tak pulak rasa malu.Pak was always there for me.I didn't realised that I am always forgetting and needing something from him. Always.
I remembered Pak waiting for me at the the bottom of the stairs case, jalan belakang sekolah with a Tupperware of udang yang I tertinggal kat rumah untuk my SRP's home science exam.Pak datang ke my hostel bawa Acts and Statues yang pak beli untuk my exams.Supplying me with air yassin untuk jadi penerang hati for my exams, every semester without fail.Rushing over from Gombak with mak to Shah Alam, bila I was pick pocked at Bus Stand Klang.Gave me some words of encouragement sebelum I pi ambik my SPM's result by saying that no matter what was my result,he would always be there for me and that he will always sayang me....He was there so many important occasions in my life, my graduation, my first job, my engagement and wedding. He was my driving force in life. He said to me, before Pak pejam mata, dia nak tengok my anak.Sadly, he didn't. On the day that I had Athira was one of the happiest and the saddest day of my life. I missed his hugs, his kisses, his laughters,his presence.I missed him. May Allah swt have mercy on his soul and may he be placed dikalangan orang yang beriman. Al-fatihah.

Time to shop....

Another gathering of makan-makan.This time at the request of big brother.
Theme:Papa Rock(to celebrate Father's Day).
Main agenda : Family discussion on Zalina's pending wedding.
Menu (potluck): Spaghetti with meatballs sauce,garlic bread,assorted mini paus, hot dogs(courtesy of host),Tom Yam linguine by Teh,pizzas,carrot cake with cheese frosting and brownies from Tizah,kari kambing from BB and kak Zai,Yong tau fu,rendang tok and pulut palas from kak and family,buah tembikai from Ali and CT Aisyah,assorted cold cuts and salad from kak chik.
Decision: I need a bigger dinning table.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Hmm, mmm....

Watched a movie with hubby without the kids.Took a day off from work, the next day lepas balik dari Lumut. Was very grateful to him for taking care of the kids while I was on a working retreat in Lumut. Why call it a working retreat? Don't ask me why.It was jammed packed with dry stuff. Dari pagi sampai ke tengah malam, duk mengadap kerja. Pantai pun tak nampak. Memang pun datang untuk kerja, so can't complaint. My better half was left babysitting the kids.The kids seronok mandi kat pool and pi jalan-jalan dengan ayah.Lepa membeli sakan kat Giant, beli macam-macam, the room bercame a mini kedai runcit. They ate, ate, watched tv and lepak kat pool. Tapi malam, tak boleh nak keluar, jalan ke hotel tak berapa elok and the hotel was tersorok ke dalam hutan and estate kelapa sawit. Jalan sempit and curam.

Anyway, back to tengok wayang, masa menunggu nak masuk panggung, I said this to hubby "....lepa ni tak kerja ke? Ramai jugak tengok wayang". Then I added " just by looking at the couples, you will know, yang mana dah kahwin atau mana yang tengah dok couple". His response was "hmm...mmm" while stuffing his face with the way satu kotak habis sebelum tengok wayang, so hubby bought another.
After movie, we did some shopping.I bought myself two pair of shoes. You can't never have enough shoes.Lepas makan, we jalan-jalan sikit.Then, balik rumah.The day was still young but we were not.
Age is definitely catching up with us, ... LETIH. Memang ada beza bila dah kahwin dengan tengah dok courting.Semangat ada, tapi kudrat dah kurang. Hehehe.

No monkey business

Someone that I respect and have fond thoughts of said this to me "cakap bila perlu aje, if it's not necessary to say anything, don't say a word". This appears to be a caution. An advice. A working tool.Or just plain COMMON SENSE. Well, these words of advise came from my former boss, infact my first boss in the service. And the advise was given to me about a couple of weeks ago masa I jumpa dia kat conference. I am currently attached to the same Ministry he was formerly from.
So, it appears to be....jangan buka mulut kalau tak perlu. I dont mind the part of not saying anything kalau it's not important or necessary...masalahnye sekarang ialah, kalau tak buka pun susah and bila tak nak bukak, kena menjawab pulak. Hmm, not a win-win situation eh! Am not comfortable yet without the working environment.Maybe because their main core of business is just not my cup of tea. Although the legal aspect is very interesting.
Am always wondering whether I should be watching my back all the time or just let down a bit on my insecurities. I can be quite paranoid with a capital P.
All I can say at the moment, is that I am exhausted with the current pace. I know that time of essence...but I would like to plead "one at a time , please". I have a lot on my plate at the moment. But then what's life without some colours. It cant be black or white with shades of greys in between.
At the moment, no monkey business for me eh!

Monday, June 8, 2009

I hear you....

It seems that I had caused some "hoopla" over my AWOL or MIA over the weekend. I took my kids to watch a movie without attending my nephew's engagement. I have my reasons. I had to make a choice. I chose my hubby and kids.

On another note, I had this conversation with my eldest....I tegur her about gaining some unwanted kilos...then she said "mama ni tak sedar diri, mama pun sama" . Amboi ! I dont think I would have said that to her grandparents. Although mak and father was never overweight. Was she rude or just being honest?

Anyway, she made up for the lack of saying "I love you mama", so I replied " I love you too" and this was followed by " I love you more".

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Just sweet

Today, me and the girls went to watch "17 Again" at Damansara Cineleisure. It's was Athira's choice. Adik nak tengok Monsters vs. Alien . Since ayah dah beli dvd for that movie, so kakak won hands down.

It was a sweet and simple movie. I enjoyed it. Adik, on the other hand, was quite bored by the second half of the movie. She walked down the aisle, sat on the front empty seats...tidur terlentang on me, talking quite was difficult for her to stay focus on the movie.

Anyway, would I want to be 17 again? I doubt it. Maybe I could have study harder (is it possible?)..nah! I would have not made any changes...17 was sweet and carefree.

Cant wait to catch the next movie "The Proposal" looking forward to that. I have always enjoyed watching Ryan Reynolds on the big screen. Till then, tata.

Friday, June 5, 2009

A bit of drama

Whats life without a bit of drama.So, the dramas (yes, quite a few)in my life for the past two weeks started with a legal opinion which open a big can of worms...had to perused bundles of documents...was pressed for time...received pressure from senior officers...kepala pusing...macam-macam nak buat and was desperately pressed for TIME.Then my kids demam, had to leave them for 4 days with hubby. Felt really lousy. Rasa really bad for adik, kakak was more independent and boleh diharap, tapi adik tiap-tiap malam kalau nak tidur kena peluk-peluk, usap rambut and she will be touching me while sucking her bottle...she's the "touchy-touchy" one...kesian pulak pikir dah lah demam, mama terpaksa leave for work.My heart was certaintly not with me when I left for pangkor. Bila balik dari conference, work was pilling on the table, didnt have time to breathe...Syukur Alhamdullilah I didnt have to leave for Tunisia untuk a conference, kalau tidak I will be away from the kids again for a week.Over the weekend,to compensate for being away from the kids, we took the kids jalan-jalan,although I was feeling lousy, I dragged my feet for the sake of the kids...I bought myself a pair of earring, adik pulak nak tindik telinga,hari kedua tindik, adik demam again pulak, teruk kali ni. Maybe due to ear infections, telinga bengkak really bad, merah menyala, bawa pi klinik, doktor kesian kat dia...doc said that if the demam doesnt get better and if the ears gets more inflamed....kena cabutkan subang. I was all for it..but adik was adamant in not having the earrings removed..she said...adik nak cantik...adik demam, mama pulak torn between nak release adik from the pain but yet at the same kesian kat adik, dia nak sangat pakai earrings. Well, glad to inform that after a series of antibiotics and ubat demam, adik is recovering well. In the mean time, the next drama is hubby... jatuh motorbike.Malam yang dia jatuh motorbike tu, he didnt tell me.I came back from a long and tiring day,precisely 11.45pm, masa tu was on my third day of puasa, hubby pun puasa jugak....puasa nazar. I had three meetings that day, mesyuarat pengurusan, post cabinet meeting and mesyuarat tatatertib at 6pm...had only half an hour rest in the afternoon untuk solat,then it was backed to backed of further meetings.Mesyuarat tatatertib was at IOI Resort, tak pernah pi tempat tu, had to rush within 20 minutes from office to IOI...argh!!! Buka puasa during the meeting kuih yang I pau from the post cab,kepala was throbbing like gila.Break untuk prayer then dinner (lauk ikan yang I took was left me feeling more miserable)...sambung with mesyuarat....ahhh...balik rumah ( I drove like mad, was quite worried, cos was feeling very tired and sleepy)...sampai rumah, tengok ada kereta tapi tak ada motor...rasa sejuk...motor kena curi ke, cos pintu gate terbuka.Bila naik bilik, tengok semua tengah tidur..woke up hubby tanya about motorbike, he said ada kat bengkel...and didnt mentioned at all about jatuh motorbike. The next day, in the morning he complained about kaki bengkak...baru nak cerita yang he met with an accident, he tried to avoid a car that made a last minute turning.He had to tahan from knocking into the car,he ended up lying on the road with the motorbike atop of him...mujur and SYUKUR ALHAMDULLILAH tak ada kereta lain from the back, kalau tak....Anyway, to cut the cerita in halve, he took an EL on thursday...the kaki become more bengkak, he complained of sakit rusuk...I said besok pi hospital, takut fractured rusuk, today I took EL, brought him to ER at SDMC. Had some x-trays, jumpa othopedic...ada fractured kat his small toe...MC untuk 1 month...wheeled him pulak to fisio...ambik cructhes...he had to learn how to use the crutches...lepas bawak balik to pharmacy kat ER...ambik ubat...hmm,boleh ke hubby tahan dok kat rumah untuk one month.I doubt betting, he will back to work within a week..